The last year has brought many new experiences into my life but more importantly I feel now like more of a whole, better balanced person. The madness has continued up and down but with the help of my new therapist I can see ahead to a time without pills and even without therapists. As superficial as it may seem the new hair and new clothes make me feel more like I'm accepting the way I am and getting on with things as they are rather than wishing things were different.
When I was at the psychiatric hospital one of the big themes was 'irrational beliefs' where you want the world to be other than it is. For example you get a parking ticket. You are annoyed because it is unfair and yet you didn't pay the fee or parked illegally or whatever. So despite the fact that that is how things are you are annoyed because 'it' is unfair and 'it' shouldn't be like that. So deeply entrenched into me was this lesson that now whenever I start to think or feel something is unfair I fair nearly automatically remind myself that that is how things are and either get over it or do something differently. It has made such a huge difference to me although I still haven't rid myself of feeling that way and there are times when I forget to remind myself about it and other times when it takes an awful long time to calm down.
This brings me on to this evening and because I sometimes forget this I did end up ferociously angry and having a bit of a boo sometime after midnight. As unfair as something may seem there is a point where you have to either accept that it is like that and live with it or do something differently. Another big lesson from the hospital was that someone can only upset you if you allow them to - you have to give them that power. To take away that power you have to effectively no longer care what they say. And surely that begs the question - if you don't value their opinion or if their actions have no effect on you, what are you doing with them?
I know roughly what 2007 will bring in terms of work, the MBA, living, travelling, seeing people and so on but there are still some big questions to be answered. I was making an ATC earlier and came across a saved scrap with the words TAKE TIME printed on it. It seems fairly good advice really. Afterall despite all the neigh or nay or ney sayers I'm certain that 2008 will follow 2007 and then 2009 will come along and so on and so there really is no need to make decisions when I may later realise that I can't live with it and do want to do something differently.
I hope you all had a good new year and hope you all find things the way you want them during 2007.