Friday, 24 August 2007

The old ones are the best...

EUROPEANS HEIGHTEN THREAT LEVELS :

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.


Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

7 comments:

Sonya said...

You've given me a great laugh to start the day!

Craftydramaqueen said...

Just seen your wedding pics. Looks like you all had a good day. Love your outfit. The Spock T-shirt made me chuckle.

catmum said...

you made tea come out my nose, grrl! good job, very funny.

angie Cox said...

That was hilarious , did you make it up ?..I'll be cackling for days .

Kate said...

'Course you know the motto of the Italian SAS?

"Who cares who wins"

She Who Knits said...

That may be, quite honestly, the funniest thing I have read in quite some time. Thanks for the laugh

SpinningErin said...

Okay, I've just started listening to your (hilarious!) podcast and I love it, but now that I'm also reading your blog entries, I am forced, in the circumstances, to award you the Funniest Blog Award For The Month Of September. Well done.

Related Posts with Thumbnails