Sunday, 31 October 2010

What Knits for Which Wrestler?

I always wanted to get Sky at home and Pooch didn't want to pay half because he said I'd watch Wrestling (and a load of other stuff) all the time. At the time I thought this was cruelly unfair, but in retrospect he was right. Since staying at Dann's I have been watching the two 2-hour shows Raw and Smackdown each week plus any special shows like Bragging Rights. I've also been catching up on things like Wrestlemania 26 from April. All in all it's a lot of wrestling. So naturally I have become slightly obsessed. So, possibly for the first and only time online, let us consider what knitted items these wrestlers would wear.

I've chosen a random sample of 8 Wrestlers from WWE. Some have only been wrestling a year, and some are 18-0 at Wrestlemania, and we all know what that means. 


I first started thinking about this knitwear issue while pondering how they got Seamus to look so pale. 
He is the pale ginger one in the middle. Now don't make any mistake here - obviously they've gingered up his hair to go with the whole oi-rish thing - but he is 100% beef. He is 6ft6 and 272 lb. But they always fake tan the others whereas Seamus seems to glow persil white. So, this leads me to believe he has sensitive skin that maybe burns in the sun. Now to go with that irish puck-type hair I'm thinking an elf style hat. So I have chosen the Ribba Hat by WoollyWormhead
This one was knitted by Toastbrot on Ravelry here and I think the colours would be perfect for Seamus. 

Randy Orton

Now Randy, short for Randall but also apparently an abbreviation for Andrew, is in my opinion pretty near physically perfect. On WWE he is known as the Apex Predator. 6ft4, 245lbs, which means unbelievably he quite often looks short when with the others. He is fit though. 
Randy Orton April 2009
I personally took that photo in April last year. Mmmm. So Randy is manliness personified and requires very little adornment. So I think a classic jumper. So let's go for a classic cabled jumper with a funnel neck.
ribbed orton
 It leaves all those tattoos covered up and ready to be explored at a later date. This is a free Drops pattern on ravelry here.

Triple H

HHH is a legend. He's known as 'The Game'. He is my first wrestling love. 6ft4 and 255 lbs. He's also known as the 'Cerebral Assassin' which makes me laugh everytime anyone says it as I can only assume it's because they don;t know what cerebral means. 
Triple HHH April 2009
This is another of my personal photos. He's out injured at the moment, although apparently is coming back very soon. Now the one thing I do not like about TripleH is his long hair. And long hair means inevitable bad hair days. So it's got to be a hat. 
Cat in the hat 1
And what better than my own most recently finished project. HHH could knit that himself. 

John Cena

Cena is the People's Champ. Literally. He is loved. There's an amazingly silly storyline at the moment where he's basically had to become the bitch of the baddy english wrestler - no it's not William Regal, he's a bit old now. It just means he gets to show what a legend he is a lot. A mere 6ft1 and 240lbs but he does look to be the most genuinely muscled of that lot. Serious definition going on. 
John Cena April 2009
Now Cena is not only a wrestler, he's also starred in several films. Not quite in the Rock's league, but he's not that bad considering. So he has nothing to worry about, which is why I have chosen ribbed boxershorts. Because the ribbing will kind of ....cling. 


The Rated-R Superstar is 6ft5 and 250lbs. For a long time I thought he was a knob but he's been a bit more interesting recently. He wears a floor length black leather coat.
He's from Canada and it can get very cold up there, so I think a chunky jumper. And in keeping with that gothic vibe he's got going on, let's make it the Big Bad Wolf Pullover from Domiknitrix. Incidentally, I do like that book. Great how-to section which I've used for other projects, as well as the actual patterns. 
This one is by AnneArquis and she used a different gauge, but it looks good. 

Undertaker & Kane

These two are currently worst enemies because they are half-brothers, but their Dad, who had supported Undertaker, switched sides and went over to Kane about a month ago. Then things festered til Kane (7ft and 323 lbs) beat Undertaker (6ft10, 299lbs) in a 'buried alive' match when he....buried him alive. So actually Undertaker may be dead. Who knows. Except he's obviously not going to be. 
Undertaker is the one with long hair. So what knitwear would suit these two? Well...what else can you get siblings except matching sock monsters. 
I've loved Rebecca Danger's patterns since Nickerjac knitted me one as a get well present when I had my back op. So here are Sammy the Sock Monsters. This is a link to her etsy shop for the pattern. 

There are of course many other wrestlers so if you have a favourite I haven't covered here let me know. 

In my personal life, things continue to be fairly miserable, but Wrestling makes it all bearable. Thanks for all your comments and messages xx


Heather said...

What great ideas! I've never seen those boxer shorts before... :)

Thinking of you. Try to stay strong {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Jann Mouer said...

O.M.G. - too effing funny - I am sending this out to several friends - thanks for the laughs on a dreary Tuesday morning - Jann

Anonymous said...

I came across your post while looking for wrestling themed knits. My boyfriend is a HUGE wrestling fanatic. Ravelry had nothing and google sent me to you. Now, while I still don't have quite what I'm looking for, you've given me a laugh, I have to forward this entry to my bf, aaannnddd... I _have_ to make those shorts for the bf now. Even if he only wears them once for 5 seconds, lol!

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