Want to buy a flat in Stratford?

Whatever you do, do not buy this one....although note the artistic array of tampons in the bathroom - all my own work you know. I went to art college....

Yes somewhere along the way the landlord came in and took photos without our permission. The thing that bothers me is certain features that have not been mentioned but help contribute to the 'luxury' feel of this flat.

• The lift has been broken for more than a week. When working it contains rubbish and mud.
• The stairs you use instead of the lift have luxury footprints all over the walls, rubbish and mud on them. If you venture down to the 'lower ground floor' you will find...
• Stinking rubbish left outside where the lift should open. Loads of it. This is here because....
• The drains all flooded about 4 months ago and never got sorted out. The bit that floods most regularly is where the bins are. It is possible the drains flooded because they were blocked up with....
• Dead rats the size of Colin's puppies. What kind of a place is too unhealthy for rats to live in?
• Moving back to the flat you have the 'luxury' surroundings of south africans in the flat below who fancy the eastern europeans on the ground floor who have a small garden below the 'balcony' (replace with 'big window'). This results in much shouting, screaming, bellowing as they communicate via a series of primitive 'ugh' s. Both groups are also friends with the greeks upstairs although the greeks favour europop, the south africans favour shite heavy metal and the eastern europeans favour maria carey. They selflessly take great lengths to give the neighbourhood the chance to enjoy their music too - often all at the same time.
  
• Then there's the flat next door with their luxury 'blood-splatter-on-the-wall' lifestyle. Lost your keys? Don't worry. Your luxury neighbours will help you break in with their tool of choice, a saw, and then share with you the secrets of stealing electricity from the concierge's supply.
  
• Did I say concierge? Ah, let me introduce you to an ever changing random stream of people who are rarely found in their office but are more frequently found on the end of a mobile with curiously authentic pub noises in the background. But never fear, should your neighbour's door be kicked in, the glass in the door in your hall have two massive holes bashed through it, blood splatter on your walls, the concierge will jump to reluctantly admit something might have happened and get round to thinking about sorting out the blood three days later and will respect the tenant's rights to privacy by not calling the police or getting involved in any way.
  

Do I sound bitter? Hmmmm, four more days then we're out of here. But look at the price - £270k odd. For that amount you get all this nastiness which you can bet the estate agent won't think to mention. How on earth can you buy a house or flat with any confidence now a days?

Anyway, we will be at Iceland Wharf from Thursday. Thank god.

On my mission to reduce my WIPs. I finished the 'y', ripped the ghastly sock, ripped the gone wrong mitred square and am about half way through it's successor. Also managed to finish the bottom rib on rob's aran - that is going to be a monster of a jumper. The wool is quite coarse in that it's not merino smooth but it's knitting up really nicely. I would post a picture but....frankly...it's just 14 rows of rib. Will post once I get cabling.

WIP reality check

1. 2 lines of rib on rob's aran jumper
2. Y square for sian's shawl
3. Horrible purple and green sock that needs ripping.
4. Mitred square for mystery afghan that also needs ripping - fucking thing (pardon my swearing but I loathe that colour now!)
5. Castoff knitted flower garland
6. Kaffe Fasset v-neck front and back
7. red, orange, yellow sock
8. Brown's scarf

OK, this is too many.

Mission: Finish at least 5 of these before ally pally.

Lessons in life

1. Do not go and see 'On the Ceiling'. Excuse me but didn't someone use the word 'comedy' to describe it? Have laughed more at funerals.
2. Do not go out with a Pooch.
3. If going out with a Pooch leave spare bedding outside bedroom door and baracade previously mentioned door when he goes out on the lash.
4. Make it understood that the maximum amount of drivel tolerated on returning in the small hours is 2 minutes.
5. Be polite yet firm on the subject of being-sympathetic-when-Pooch-wakes-up-still drunk-yet-already-hungover.

So apart from all that I have apparently got the job. Vishanti against my direct wishes badgered sean about it on the way home and rang me as soon as he admitted it would be me. You see there was a leaving do and they had both sunk a couple of glasses of vino. So shouldn't I be jumping about and dancing from the rooftops? Well....it all seems a bit anticlimactic really. I guess the easy bit is now over - the harder bit will be a salary negotation, telling everyone, ignoring the whispers provoked by a second internal promotion in 3 years, and getting John to agree a finishing date for me to get shot of my current workload. Ho hum.

Have now done the s, i, a, n and almost finished the y for my sister's shawl. Just the b and o to go...and then all the other squares.

So, er, right, of yeah!

I knew i was blogging about something - SecretPal you've totally got my number. Guess what I got in the post this morning? A Galaxy bar. Yeah baby!!

Just as well as the old knitting isn't going too well. I decided to do a mitred square for my second secret afghan contribution and I am about half way through and sure enough there's about 30 stitches on one needles but about 40 on the other. How do these things happen? I did a few more rows thinking that pah, it would be fine, but no it really won't so it's for a ripping tomorrow.

Am off to the theatre, darling, tonight to see 'On the Ceiling' a new comedy with ralph little in one of the title rolls. Now I find the boy strangely attractive. But he's also very funny. This isn't a picture of him in the play - it's just a random picture I googled up. He was in the Royale Family and a load of other things.

Have been introduced to a new blog that I am sure loads of you will know about. It is StitchyMcYarnpants and seems very funny. Will add it to my list of preferred ones when I get a min.

Actually I'm ok now

Yeah sorry about that peeps. I had a bad day and you are all lovely but I am OK now. Just to show that I am strong (like a woman - that 'sure' advert had a huge effect on me). Remember this?

Well....Teva. I tried to knit your pattern. I tried to like the cardigan once you told me I needed 4 balls of wool at the same time but NO! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!


So anyway, moving on to other things....I was at AWE yesterday. That's the atomic weapons establishment to the uninitiated. Morally and ethically I don't have a problem with these places - partly because I am around them and their staff often and see the full range of things they do as well as the actual warheads and 'deaths per thousand population' that is actually a unit that exists in those spheres. So there I was and the security needed is tremendous. Security checks a month before you go there. Nothing electrical on site in case you record something. You want to park your car - are you insane? Bag checks, body scans Etc etc. So I got there yesterday and the woman asked me if I had my phone and I handed it over. And then, I leaned forward....I looked to the left and right with a quick flick of my eyes. I beckoned her closer and whispered, nay, murmered in her ear...."I also have knitting needles". Because you can't take them on planes so I'm thinking places that make nuclear bombs won't allow them. The woman looked me straight in the eye and said "As long as you promise not to stab anyone" and let me in. With my weapons of mass construction. So there you go.....planes - no, atomic weapons - yes.

Anyway, one can't spend the whole day with weapons so I spun off to john lewis in reading and got these two.

I must have seen them both before but can't remember. Am quite looking forward to seeing the debbie bliss knitted up.

So this brings me onto my final point with no connection to what I've just been talking about. Those with shakey nerves look away now. Because we're going to talk about pants, knickers, undies - call them what you will. Now what I want to know is - has anyone ever found a comfortable thong or g-string? Is it too much to ask? I actually gave quite a lot of thought to this yesterday when I went in search of such an item. Actually I was going to post a photo here of what I ended up with but that's really one of those 'need to know' things so have stopped myself. I have been pondering the making of pants ever since I saw an article about making old t-shirts into undies. I am sure there must be a way of making custom size comfortable pants that are not a version of the old pantaloons. It's not like I enjoy looking like a piece of edam - it's just that a lot of my skirts and trousers 'hug' my posterior and I don't want to have a VPL. So anyway....Pants eh? What can you do? Watch this space for further developments.

(Yeah I know you can just do away with them a la Mr Pooch (too much info?!) but I am a laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady and can not go around in such a way - i might get a chill in my kidneys as my mother has always warned me.)

Tagged

Been tagged....I'm not going to tag anyone else because I'm being miserable but feel free to consider yourself tagged if you want to join in.

TEN YEARS AGO: I had just started my final year at school and was all of a dither wondering what to do at University. I was very thin and wore very short skirts and dresses all secondhand from the local charity shops in Herne Bay. In a couple of months I will buy two jumpers from one such shop and the red one will become known as the ‘dead dog jumper that a tramp’s dog died in’ for no real reason.
FIVE YEARS AGO: I was about to start work here. I had spent a sunny month in Palo Alto with David and spent a lot of it contemplating suicide and being disappointed at what looked to me like the lack of height of golden gate bridge. I was working in a community service office in Archway spending my days behind bullet proof glass listening to criminals explain why they couldn’t turn up today. I was living in Harlesden and earning about £5 an hour.
ONE YEAR AGO: I was struggling with my recovery from the depression that put me in hospital 6 months earlier. I was going out with Pooch and we had had a very up and down summer with lots of arguments about holidays. I was living in Bethnal Green and was involved in recruiting the notorious Luke.
FIVE SNACKS: Pineapple, dark chocolate digestives, some form of chocolate bar, medjool dates, salted pretzels.
FIVE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO: Love Shack by the B52s, F*ck you by Dr Dre, The Funky Gibbon by the Goodies, Ain’t misbehaving by Fats Waller, Bohemian Rhapsody (of course) by Queen.
FIVE THINGS I WOULD DO WITH $100 MILLION: Stop doing the job I do. Travel the world for a couple of years – not rushing anywhere and starting on the south island of NZ, Get the lump of fat under my chin sucked, chopped or otherwise removed, get some handmade, comfort-guaranteed thongs/g-strings made (yet to find any that I can just forget about), pay someone to teach me how to use my knitting machine.
FIVE PLACES TO RUN AWAY TO: The sandy cliffs in Reculver, south island of NZ, that rockpool in Cornwall I’ve been thinking about loads recently, The Mucha Museum in Prague, The souks in Marrakesh.
FIVE THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR: Poncho, peddle pushers, open toe stiletto shoes, fur, blue tights.
FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Ultraviolet, silent witness, emmerdale (sad but true), Transworld sport on Sunday at 6.30am on channel 4, anything by WWE.
FIVE BIGGEST JOYS: Making something new and it working out, someone really liking a present I made them, when a plan comes together, having unexpected time by myself when I’ve got access to all my stuff and can do whatever I like, chocolate.
FAVORITE TOYS: Denise needles, Drop spindle, Internet, detective novels, koolaid.

Am actually quite down today. Felt amazingly annoyed this morning on the way to work. Had therapy at lunch and worked out that this was actually very healthy and that I had shed loads to be annoyed about. Pooch has been rather lack-lustre about the move and hasn't made any attempt to go and see the place. We just had another mini argument when I phoned him and asked him to pick up the parcels that are waiting for us with the concierge. He seems to think that counts as doing me a favour but one of them is the boxes for the move. He said something about the cricket and I asked him not to tell me because just the c word is becoming a flashpoint for me and he took no notice and bowled (fnah) straight into some run through of what has been going on. I couldn't give a shit. When I pointed out I had just asked him not to tell me and I'd been ignored he got moody. Therapist Louise voiced an umprompted opinion just at the end of our session that Pooch was displaying a lot of similar characteristics to Dad and speculated what signals I could be putting out to indicate I wanted to be treated as second place.

I'm so bloody bored of recovering. Look at that tag thing. A year ago I was where I am now having petty arguments with Pooch and 'recovering'. I'm on more medication now than when I left hospital so the 'recovering' looks set to continue for a heap longer. Marie is off the pills now, as are a lot of the others. Orna ended up needing EST and even she's OK now. Buggery fuck. Why don't I just sit here feeling sorry for myself?

Weekend round-up

Had a lovely weekend with mi muvver marred rather somewhat by the goddamnfucking cricket.

The weather was rather nice and fresh and a trip to minehead revealed the LYS.

Theresa, the owner, was having a bit of a sale/clear out so these balls were all under £1.50 each.

Yes, it is all synthetic but I'll be dyeing some of it and makign wedding decorations with some of the rest. There's nothing crazily interesting there but it was a good shop and the owner was really nice.


This is the view oput of my Mum's garden. Exmoor National Park and this is the view on a bad day. On a good day you can see the quantocks. There are horses, sheep, cattle, cats, bees, all sorts of wildlife. The air is fresh and grade 3/4 lichen grows on the trees in the garden. So Pooch spent most of the weekend indoors watching the cricket.

"Where's Wally?" Can you spot him? He's in the armchair. This caused one or two or more little fractious episodes. When the tv wasn't on the radio was. Even when there wasn't any play there was random babbling to be listened to. Anyway, that's in the past now. Pooch is taking the day off to watch the last day. I'm accepting the fact that he told me he couldn't take any more days off this year under any circumstances. It all meant I got a lot of knitting done.

For example this is an 's' from the simple knits for elegant babies or elegant knits for simple babies or whatever. I'm really loving them. I did the s, i, a and am almost done on the 'n'. You see the sister who does not know about this blog is called Sian and I'm going to do a bit of module magic with them and make them into a shawl - which is what she wanted.

I did mention there were cats in somerset and here is a prime example. Enter stage right Artemis Finn.

'Soppy' just doesn't begin to describe this cat. She hasn't got a mean bone in her body which is something for a cat because I have in the past generally admired them for their cutting sarcasm. Pooch is allergic though so I couldn't play with her much. She's not actually my Mum's - she's kind of catknapped her off her neighbour or in other words Artemis knows that if she comes round in the evenings she gets extra cat biscuits, milk, and a warm windowsill to snooze on.

So it was just about a good weekend although it was touch and go there for a while. I've got some blog reading to catch up on although I do see that nickerjac has spun some more stunning yarn. I feel strangely apprehensive today about work but I can't think why. I have therapy today but it's not that. There is a word that I have known in the past that means a feeling of calm before imminent catastrophe. I always default to fey but it's not that. Anyway, that's how I feel.