Normal service is resumed

I've changed the link in the post below to go to a site that should be better for podcast hosting. I know some people had had a couple of problems so this new site should sort that out.

Meantime I have had a delivery from Amazon full of knitting and crochet goodness! I ordered it about 3 weeks ago and had to wait this long for no particularly specified reason. The books are Couture Crochet Workshop by Lily Chi, Amazing crochet lace and Mason & Dixon knitting. It's the crochet lace book that has really done it for me though. The things in there are just so beautiful! I'll add pics once I get to my scanner.

I haven't had much of a chance to look at the other ones yet but will do later on tonight.

In knitting news I've done about 3/4 of the first socks-that-rock sock for BoyAlex. I keep thinking back to the piano key socks over at Slipped Stitch's blog. I don't have any black sock yarn and somehow I just don't think they'd look as good in brown and white. But surely I can't justify buying any more? I did the big count and I have.......

5.2 miles of sock yarn

Ok, OK. I commit to knitting 2 miles before I buy anymore. Goddammit. How many socks is that anyway? It takes me about 70g to do a pair - gosh all these mixed measurement units. Confused! How do you end up with 5.2 miles of sockyarn anyway? I mean.....MILES. We're not just talking football pitches here.

Miles. Geez.

Anyway. I'm trying to psych myself up to go to kick boxing, which I loathe. Maybe it is a punishment for having too much sock yarn. Yep. That could work....

Podcast!!!!!

OMG. I've amazed myself and actually got this done. You can download it here. It's 20 mins long. I haven't sorted out the itunes side of things yet but will do before episode 2. Episode 2 in 2 weeks time. Oh wow.

Show Notes

• Lime and Violet Podcast
• BritKnitCast podcast
• Blogs mentioned in the podcast are linked to in the lefthand toolbar (CrazyAuntPurl, KnitTheKnits and SlippedStitch)
• Cherry Tree Hill sockyarn available in the UK from WoollyWorkshop.
  
• Socks that Rock sockyarn available in the US from BlueMoon.
  
• The free software I've used is called Audacity and can be downloaded here.
• The Audacity Tutorial I used is a video one and is very good. Shows you everything you need to get recording and editing.
  
• The 'How to Podcast' tutorial I used was here and is really thorough - it includes bits about software and hosting.
• This site is hosting my mp3.
• Pooch is currently available for parties and other entertainment events.
  

Let me know if you've got requests either for the next podcast or the next zine. The zine will be out at the beginning of April after the magical SkipNorth is over.

Bleh

Bleh bleh bleh and so on. What a manky week. Nothing in particular - just low grade dirt. Anyway here is my weekend with no cold and nothing but good stuff to look forward to. Tomorrow brings a visit to deepest Kent to see friends and their little one year old daughter. Am so looking forward to it! Then Pooch and I are having a nice dinner. Then.... sunday brings the podcast recording. Let's face it - it is probably going to be quite rubbish but I'm quite looking forward to it. I haven't decided yet on a name...... Lixie Live is a possibility.

I did have some photos to show off of this week's achievements but I can't find the fricking camera. Something I didn't have photos of is the 'severe weather' we were warned was on its way to London on Thurs. I swear to god there was an inch at most of snow which had gone by lunchtime. Severe weather my arse. Meant I got a day working at home though so I didn't really mind.

Project J is getting me down a bit actually. As Pooch says it's not a good idea to go on about it too much here but it is occupying all my thoughts and generally casting a shadow on things. Should think more about the podcast instead!

Dum Der Digger Digger....

You know that music at the beginning of DVDs that goes Dum Der Digger Digger, Dum Der Digger Digger? I am a law abiding person excepting the occasional photocopied knitting pattern but there is something about that music, denied to warn you off downloading movies illegally, that really makes me *want* to steal a car. And a bag. And if I had a DVD writer I would steal films too. It's the way I am forced to watch this little mini movie EVERY time I watch a DVD. Every....fricking.....time. DVDs that I have bought and own legally and everything. I wouldn't want to steal just anyone's car though - look at how horrible it was when some scumball knicked Woolly Wormhead's van - I want to steal the car of the person who decided that that little film with the Dum Der Digger Digger would play everytime I watched one of my own films.

OK, dirge over and no more timewasting - we've got an alphabet to finish here folks!

L is for Luuuuurve. Because today Pooch and I love each other and everything is Luuuuurvely. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but for today - all is well.

M is for Medical Assistance. This is my way of getting round the fact that I have already long passed D and also that I wanted to tell the world how brave I was at the dentist today. Why don't they give those stickers to adults? Those ones that say what a brave girl you've been. I want one. I want a huuuuuge one.

N is for noteatingasmuchasIusedto. I lost 2 pounds!

O is for Octopus. I want to knit an octopus. All those dangly legs. I know I've seen patterns. Why haven't I knit one yet?

P is for Podcast! I am still on this. One might say "I've got 5 on it". Is that rude? I keep wondering. I really need Miss Louise Cameroonie to tell me because she knows stuff like that. I think of it as having something in hand but it could equally be a euphamism or however you spell it for wanking. On that topic my podcast is going to have sex tips. And jingles. Ha! Also on that subject, P is for Pooch. P is also for Pez. I bought my ickle brother this little one earlier.

Isn't he cute? Brother is actually 15 but you're never too old for Pez. Er, right?

Q is for quilting. I had all these good ambitions about making a quilt but it's gone no where. I just tried to make some ATCs using bondaweb as a quilting shortcut and stuck the fricking bondaweb to the paper and now the whole lot is buggered. Screw it. What's a buggered ATC between friends? Ha!

R is for reading. Have I mentioned already that I am currently reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons? I am doing it for work and writing a review of the physics content. Which incidentally is quite extraordinary. My psychiatrist has several times recommended The Life of Pi. I really ought to read it. Anyway...mind went off at a tangent there.

S is for Slimfast. Obviously. Did I mention already.... I lost 2 pounds!

T is for toes. I know this is getting a bit tenuous now but let's stay with it. I have finished a sock. Same old simple 2-needle pattern using the bargain regia silk sans ballband I got form "the Wool Baa" on ebay (this is also where I got the yarn for the sister socks, which Debbie over at the Well-Tempered Knitter and also the Curly Cable gal asked about.) I do have a recipient in mind but I'm just not sure whether he'll go for them. Will ponder a bit more.

U is for Um.

V is for Valentine. I started a Valentine magic yarn ball swap on swap-bot. I know I said I'd never go there again because I kept getting shafted but I got lured back. But never again. They've changed the rules without telling people so if you're the swap host you're basically buggered. Either way I am still committed to this swap and soon this little lot...

....will be winging its way to Holland all wrapped up in that ball of Taos you can see at the top of the pic.

W is for weekends. I'm still hurting about having missed mine due to the Pooch-given-lurgy. Goddamn Pooch.

XYZ is for xyz-I'm-bored-already. It was getting a bit tenuous.

OK, now for the bit where I inflict this alphabet on all you guys. The challenge is for you to come up with one word to describe yourself going all the way through the alphabet from A-W. Think along the lines of Adorable, Beautiful, Cross-stitch, Devilish, Earnest.... I'm going to tag 5 people and we'll see how far it goes.

I tag.... Nickerjac, WoollyWormhead, Moo, Gill (knitting at number 9), Purl Power and Kate (knittheknits). Guess I'd better go and tell them.

Oh but before I do..... Pooch bugged me for more than a year for a winerack. He complained constantly. And I mean constantly. The boy is persistant. So I buy him a winerack. To be more precise I buy him a self-assembly winerack in November. I assemble it myself. It took more than an hour, fecking winerack. And does he use it? See for yourselves...

The pepsi and mouthwash are my additions and the two bottles of wine are out of the ocado delivery that just arrived that I paid for. The mini champagne is from our engagement party that happened a year ago. Honestly.

I is for ill

I'm not a big Katharine Tate fan, although I do think the 'bovered' thing has hit a national chord even more than 'yeah but no but'. However there is one of her sketches I do likie and that I think of often and that is the one with the old lady who invariably at some point in the sketch will say "Whhhhaaaaaaat a f*cking liberty." You see I've put the asterisk in there in case anyone is feeling as feeble as me. Of all the days to come down with a cold friday has to be the worst. Worse even than the day before a big deadline because at least then you can struggle womanfully on regardless. On a friday you have your own free time ahead of you. Your own hard earned weekend. You've slogged the other 4 days so far and you've earnt your fricking two days off and yet now you're ill and so you'll have to spend your own time.....your OWN TIME.... being ill. It's so much more satisfactory to get ill on a Monday, Tuesday or even a Wednesday.

Goddammit.

Anyway, my lunch with John yesterday filled me with lots of riteous zeal and so have come up with a business plan, although the unenlightened might call it a spider diagram on the back of some junk mail letter. I have also made the bold decision to go into podcasting.

It was britknitcast that inspired me. I mean, she talked mainly about what she was knitting and what she had been doing and all the jazz as well as interviews with others and snippets of this and that. That sounds like the kind of thing I could enjoy doing and so I can reveal now, exclusively on this blog, that I have already booked a special guest for the first show. Hold on to your hats people - it's Pooch. That's right. Long suffering wool widow Poochard is going to be joining me on the airwaves at a speaker near you. Not right now though. Am too yucked up to talk properly at the moment.

So anyway....I won't be completing the alphabet today since I'm too pissed off with the whole ill-on-friday-thing but I do have some photos. It will however transpire that one of these objects has made me feel slightly worse.

One thing that has cheered me up is the arrival of my clippykit bag. Yaroo.

The moment this is posted I will commence planning a foolishly complicated lining bag that I will never actually get round to making.

These are the finished socks that from tomorrow will be gracing the feet of sister 2.

And this, miserable object, if a sideways knitted sock where I followed the pattern faithfully. FAITHFULLY!!! Is it a sock for a kangaroo? I can not imagine it ever fitting a human foot. Not unless the person in question was a severely undernourished clown. I spent time knitting that thing. Fricking patterns.

So anyway, there you have it. I will remain on this sofa with my tissue mountain and feel sorry for myself. Send chocolate.

A you’re adorable, B you’re so beautiful….

You know that song? I was having a random train of thought that led me to it having started off with a simple concept which we will refer to as ‘Project J’. But before one gets to J you have to go through a tonne of other letters so to begin…

A is for awfully long blog post, which I have a feeling this is going to be. Because I haven’t updated for a while and I will tell you why. I have been having a fit of the RIHL’s (rabbit-in-headlights). I am a bit stymied in a couple of the two aspects of my life and this has led to a bit of a freeze on the thinking front. Fortunately I met my mentor (all the best people have them dontcherknow) for lunch and in between talk of knitting, The Chap magazine and diets he did what he always does which was to shake things up a bit and generally inspire me.

B is for not getting Bogged down (see what I did there) which goes for life as well as for blog posts which look like they might start running into several pages. B is also for BritKnitCast which I am ashamed to say I only just discovered. It is one of these podcasts all the young people are listening to nowadays and is really fab. And I’m not just saying that because she mentioned my zine in the last one. She has made me return once again to the idea of doing one myself although it is the editing side of it that puts me off. First of all I don’t have any software and secondly the sound of my own voice makes me positively…

C is for Cringe. I’ve never got used to it and still don’t recognise myself on answermachines. Why am I leaving messages for myself on answermachines? Well C is also for Crazy although that isn’t actually why I was leaving messages (they were for Pooch in case anyone is still wondering). On the crazy side things are going pretty well with me firmly in the Care of the Community at present. The bummer side effect of the old mirtazipine was the increased appetite which has sadly led to…

D if for Diet. Not just any old diet though peeps, this is the Slimfast Plan, mentioned in my previous post. You know what I mean “A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and your normal dinner”. Small print reads ‘where usual dinner doesn’t mean a sara lee gateau’. I’m actually doing pretty well although this is entirely down to the fact the shakes are chocolate flavoured. I mean, is this a no brainer or what? All those who have met me will have noticed I am seldom far from a chocolate orientated product, hence the fricking diet in the first place, so a chocolate orientated diet is guilt free bliss!

E is for Ermmmmmm, because I can’t think of anything to do with E. Ears, eggs, easter, elephant. OK, we’ll go with elephant. A colleague of mine – we will refer to him as steveyweevy since this is what I call him in the office – has recently started checking in here and has been bombarding me with information about an appeal to knit warmers for elephants. I kid you not. During our last conversation about this particular topic he told me he’d been in touch with them for the pattern which he would then pass on to me. I am yet to work out whether he’s joking or not. He told me he went to a Fitty concert last year today with a straight face and seemed genuine so it could all be true.

F is for Fitty, or 50 Cent as all of us of a Gansta nature will know. Just thought I’d slip that one in there.

G is for Gommel, which is the word I use to describe Pooch. He gommels or can be found gommelling around. He is my gommel husband. (Anyone thrown up yet?) Getting onto more serious territory G is also for Git, which is a word I also use to describe the Pooch when he is on top of his game. The G (choose your own meaning) has had a bad cold this week and so has been feeling very sorry for himself. I have frequently found him curled up in bed with his laptop – using it as an auxiliary hot water bottle. Cue computer virus jokes….

H is for Holiday, which as we all know is SkipNorth fast approaching. There are two places left on this all things to all people holiday in Yorkshire. Knitters, spinners, crocheters – all are welcome. I’ve previously described it as 35 knitters doing a kind of wacky-races type event round the last remaining mill stores consuming wine and sandwiches in equal measure. I am sooooo looking forward to it. Although god knows I really don’t need any stash enhancement.

I is for…I need to come back to that one.

J is for jumper. Obviously. This is still pretending to be a knitting blog although J is also for Project J which was mentioned a month or so back in the first paragraph of this post. If I tell you that J stands for ‘job’ then all should become clear. To make it even clearer I am a sober, upstanding lady of determined character looking for a position within suitable distance of London. My key talents come under the heading of ‘making things happen’ plus I wield a mean knitting needle. Anything considered, as long as it is interesting. Challenges preferred. I will of course let you know how Project J develops…

K is for, what else, Kabbalah. No, not really – Knitting of course. And yes, I am actually still doing some contrary to appearances. I’m carrying a sideways sock around with me at the moment which is interesting as I don’t have a decent picture of the finished project so am not sure what I am knitting towards. Plus the pattern was translated from German so I’m not even sure if it is correct. It’s looking perfectly acceptable though so I’ll keep pootling along.

Those of you who have grown facial hair while reading up to this point will be relieved to hear that I am going to end it here. Or rather I was. I’m getting error messages from blogger telling me there is a server error which seems to have been happening rather a lot lately. Am seriously considering a move to typepad or something like that. If anyone has any advice then you just let me know.

STOP PRESS - blogger has let me in to post (fingers crossed) so I'll complete the alphabet during the weekend.

A bom Bam Boo

Bamboo is actually a good place to start. Look at this.


It's cheap bamboo yarn. I have not seen any myself (although if I do ever make it to issue 3 of my zine I can guess what might be the sample yarn that goes with it) but I hear reports it is 'yummy'. I can't link direct as Dianne's Knitting Yarns doesn't let you but the link to their shop is in the sidebar and their service is always very good.

So there has been yet more knitting with much progress on the hexhat from the last knitty. Here is one little heaxagon. Only about 7 more to go!


I also made a small investment in some sock yarn on ebay from a seller called the Wool Baa. Very good service and good price too. 100g regia silk (lost the ball band but still) for about £5 when I think it's normally about £8 for 50g. I'm not mad keen on the colour so I can see some koolaid acting as an overdye but I have a pair I knitted from this already and they are sooooo comfy so i don't mind that. I've just cast on a pair in the one on the left and it looks very nice.

The buttons are because, dear readers, I have started slimfast. You know the one. "A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and then your normal healthy dinner. I too had scoffed at all this in my younger, thinner days but I tried my first milkshake on weds and..... it was really nice! Obviously chocolate flavoured it was like mcdonald's choc milkshakes used to taste like when I was a girl. (Cue violins, right?) So the buttons were part of my 'usual healthy dinner' last night. It's all going to go rather to pot this weekend when I visit my mum but still, I'm pleased to have got started.

So as the last paragraph hinted I'm away this weekend. Hope everyone has a good one and gets lots of knitting.

OK, before I go I have to admit I bought three skeins of socks that rock sockyarn as well!!! I couldn't help myself.

OK, and I bought a clippykit bag to show off my ATCs in. Just got paid. I couldn't help myself.

OK, and I just forgot I finished my red top. here is a really bad photo of me wearing it over my snazzy pyjamas.

Now I really must go before I confess anything else!

Bing budda boom

Have been on a training course today which continues tomorrow. It is called 'Influencing and Persuading' and my fellow students have been telling stories of stroppy team members, challenging projects and indecisive managers. Then comes my turn.

"So, Alex, why are you here today?"
"I have to deliver a hated project to an uninterested organisation with no top, middle or lower level support."
"But if no one supports your project how come you are still doing it?"
"hmmmmmmm, yes. Well you've persuaded me. Job done - I'll get my coat."
fnah fnah.

But despite all this it was actually very good and is not done yet as there is round two tomorrow still to come. Expect to be influenced and persuaded soon at a blog near you.

So where did the knitting update go? A few days late but bigger than ever. One knitted hat. Pattern is here.

One pair of mittens in a sultry-Pooch with bonus extra Pooch-action-shot.

One top down sleeveless raglan curtesy of an ancient Magknits. I have taken full advantage of the try-as-you-knit element of this design and in fact am almost finished (this is an early picture - although Pooch did point out when I was trying it on at this stage that it looked a bit weird and if I had some extra wool I should consider making it longer). I really like it and love that there is barely any finishing. Depending on how much I wear this one I might look at doing one with sleeves.

The crochet afghan continues at a fair pace. Jane saved me with some additional wool and so I've started joining the squares. Oooooo and not a moment too soon as it's fricking freezing out there. I do prefer cold weather though. There is something much more honest about it. You know where you are, even if it is shivering at a bus stop.

So am off to check in at other blogs. I actually won a competition over at Woolly Mammoth's blog so you never know where a bit of reading could get you!


"And now over to the AB weather station....."

Jesus loves me

Usually I have a very respectful relationship with Jesus. I stay out of his way and the FSM doesn't slop tomato sauce down the front of his big white dress. But recently he just won't leave me alone. Morning, noon and night he is on at me trying to get me to change my ways. This morning I got into work and look at what faced me...




Bloody Jesus again, cluttering up my inbox and getting in the way of my important email from the Knitters Review. I keep telling him I don't want to increase my penis size or buy prescription drugs direct. Goshdarnit, what does a girl have to do to get him to butt out?



I've been a bit lax on blogging for a while as there has been lots going on. Pooch turned 30 and had a bit of a mid-life crisis at the same time. In his own words he spent the weekend pretending to be 20 and as his friends often tell me I would have hated him when he was 20 you can imagine how well that turned out. Tonight brings the IOP's annual awards dinner. Cue Byrne in posh frock (that's rather on the tight side since she got fat) reading out the citations in front of the assembled masses. Guaranteed to please. Pooch also gets to wear a tux which allows him to assume a role he feels he was born to hold hobnobbing with the nobs over dinner at the Savoy.



In between these frenzies off activity I have actually managed to do quite a lot of knitting. The mittens and short row hat are long gone and done and the pictures are waiting on my camera just begging to be uploaded. I've cast on a fitted tank top from the Aug 2005 Magknits which is going down very nicely in 1p-a-gram-cotton cashmere from last year's SkipNorth. It's a top down raglan and my first adult sized one which is great as I get to try it on every now and again.

My computer isn't letting me cut and paste stuff so I can't add in the links I wanted to. Suffice to say there is more to tell and I will post again at the weekend.

Yo

Something I do not talk about that much is my deep love of hip hop. Give me a 'yo b*tch' and a 'snizzle ma nizzle' and I'm happy. As such I was both worried and happy about two separate incidents that took place today. For reasons of clarity I will call the first Incident N and the second Incident M.

Even a casual passer by of this blog will know that His Noodliness is never far from my thoughts and so it was with worry that I observed a guy who got off the tube in front of me (Incident N). He was wearing his trouser groin on the low-low in a gangsta type way (in that it was somewhere around his knees) and it struck me that he walked a bit like a penguin. BUT are not penguins outcasts and not favoured in His sight? Weren't they sent to Antarctica, His least favourite continent because it makes the beer volcano freeze? Did this mean that He disn't like hip hop? I am pretty worried about this but the 8 "I'd really rather you didn'ts" don't include music and if He felt strongly about it they would so I think it might be OK.

The thing that made me happy (Incident M) was that during my trip to the post office I did a double take by the magazine rack when I saw a magazine called "Hip Hop" no less. It is in the national enquirer type format being american letter sized and printed on recently recycled loo roll but the byline was "Covering the entire hip hop culture" and it was only £1.50. For £1.50 I'm prepared to accept it will disintegrate if it even looks like rain and so off I went with it. I had only just opened it to flick through when I saw this......

His name is Flavor Flav and HE HAS HIS NAME WRITTEN ON HIS TEETH. I can imagine Xzibit on 'Pimp My Ride' (the US version not the namby pamby UK one with tim westwood who always looks like he's wearing his much larger brother's hand-me-downs) looking at those and pulling one of those cute little faces that makes the programme so good. There is a picture of Xzibit in the same spread (something to do with some sports event) but he isn't pulling a face so I can only assume he hadn't seen him yet.

What has all this to do with knitting? Um, well maybe not exactly that much although I do sometimes like to knit with hip hop music on in the background and will forever consider Tom and Doug's gansta knitter to be the finest cross-cultural hybrid ever created.

I do have knitting to report - almost by stealth I have practically finished Eve from a Colinette Giotto pattern book in striped colours of giotto. The final sleeve to finish and then a touch of sewing up. I'm actually rather looking forward to wearing this one!

Here is a close up.

It's actually been quite nice to knit and I love the way it looks. I was worried it might be an ordeal to knit up and would split but my trusty denise needles have kept me going through it all.

On a final note I tried to give blood last night. Note 'tried'. I seem to have no veins. Just watch out if I'm seeing you any time soon as my arms might drop off. They told me to try again in the summer when they might reappear. Spooky.

Knitting? Me?

Actually it's crochet. I knwo immediately this means half of you hate me but what can I say? I like it. I'm still doing squares for the big Kaffe inspired blanket from Interweave Crochet that the lovely Julie sent me. Here are but a few:

This is my favourite!

At my knitting group this week it was secret santa (we do ours after xmas as everyone gets so busy in the run-up). I did particularly well and am now the proud owner of my new favourite t-shirt. I wore it to surely the final xmas dinner of the season tonight and got asked if the little girl is me. I was never that cute.

The weekend has passed all too fast and I can't help thinking about the MBA and how much time it is going to take up. I keep thinking I should be utilising my time better to make the most of it while I have it but then I think back to a time when I never even thought of using the word 'utilise' and wonder how many people actually have life turn out as they want it to. Morbid train of thought though so let's not bother going there.

Dinner tonight was rather awesome and most wonderfully cooked by Pooch and other members of 'the gang' (there is no gang etc etc) and finished off with the most splendid trifle I have had in many a year. I am more than ever convinced that food tastes best when you haven't cooked it yourself. Although that may be a reflection on my cooking. And probably is.

Just to finish off - if your name is Maylin from France and you sent me a cheque for the Proud to be Crafty Zine could you get in touch? I can't find your address!

Touched by his noodly appendage

I have truly been touched today. Last night I started reading His gospel on the way to knitting and I have hardly put it down or stopped thinking about it since. There is so much good stuff in there. I typed out the 8 "I'd really rather you didn'ts" at work this afternoon just so I could post them on here. Except I left them at work. That will just have to serve as a teaser for tomorrow. And isn't that just His way? Keeping us enthralled.

One of the "I'd really rather you didn'ts" is all about not preaching on at people so I'm not going to try and convert you or anything but I do want to share some of the ways His Noodliness gave my day meaning.

1. The morning began with me taking all the oldbyrne stickers off my monitor and replaced them with the simple "WWAPD?" which is really all one needs by the way of inspiration. (Stands for what would a pirate do)
   
2. I was given the opportunity to reflect on how sometimes a pirate just has to accept the "Arrrr" when it comes along when a colleague did something really stupid.
   
3. At lunch instead of automatically choosing a sandwich I had the delicious and nutritious homemade sweet potato soup because it is orange, which is as close to red as I get without ketchup and because red is His preferred colour.
4. My faith was tested on the way home when I read further into the gospel and discovered that penguins were cast out from FSM heaven and sent to antarctica which is the least preferred continent of His Noodliness. This is because it is so cold the beer volcano freezes. And also there is nothing to make pasta from. I have recently found myself to be tempted by penguins but I realise this was just the FSM putting temptation in my path. I can be strong.
   
5. My faith was further tested when I read that every pirate, as well as accepting the "Arrrr" needs a parrot to repeat his words back to him (or her) when you've been partaking too freely of the beer volcano. Now I normally repeat what Pooch says or even pre-empt what he says because I know what he's like when he's grumpy. Wouldn't that make me his parrot and so therefore I am not a pirate? But I felt his noodly appendage as my mind cleared and I saw how on the road to piracy you can assume many roles to gain a better understanding of the final role as a pukka pirate.
   

All this may sound a bit odd but I am really loving the whole FSM thing. I am actually looking forward to reading more of it later in the bath.

The end of another year...

The last year has brought many new experiences into my life but more importantly I feel now like more of a whole, better balanced person. The madness has continued up and down but with the help of my new therapist I can see ahead to a time without pills and even without therapists. As superficial as it may seem the new hair and new clothes make me feel more like I'm accepting the way I am and getting on with things as they are rather than wishing things were different.

When I was at the psychiatric hospital one of the big themes was 'irrational beliefs' where you want the world to be other than it is. For example you get a parking ticket. You are annoyed because it is unfair and yet you didn't pay the fee or parked illegally or whatever. So despite the fact that that is how things are you are annoyed because 'it' is unfair and 'it' shouldn't be like that. So deeply entrenched into me was this lesson that now whenever I start to think or feel something is unfair I fair nearly automatically remind myself that that is how things are and either get over it or do something differently. It has made such a huge difference to me although I still haven't rid myself of feeling that way and there are times when I forget to remind myself about it and other times when it takes an awful long time to calm down.

This brings me on to this evening and because I sometimes forget this I did end up ferociously angry and having a bit of a boo sometime after midnight. As unfair as something may seem there is a point where you have to either accept that it is like that and live with it or do something differently. Another big lesson from the hospital was that someone can only upset you if you allow them to - you have to give them that power. To take away that power you have to effectively no longer care what they say. And surely that begs the question - if you don't value their opinion or if their actions have no effect on you, what are you doing with them?

I know roughly what 2007 will bring in terms of work, the MBA, living, travelling, seeing people and so on but there are still some big questions to be answered. I was making an ATC earlier and came across a saved scrap with the words TAKE TIME printed on it. It seems fairly good advice really. Afterall despite all the neigh or nay or ney sayers I'm certain that 2008 will follow 2007 and then 2009 will come along and so on and so there really is no need to make decisions when I may later realise that I can't live with it and do want to do something differently.

I hope you all had a good new year and hope you all find things the way you want them during 2007.

New do

Yes, it is that time of year when I visit the hairdresser and make some sort of hair-decision-disaster. I had good intentions to go for a c-something (no laughing) type bob with the under layers slightly shorter so it would curve in. But then I sat down and had nothing to do for 10 mins and my eye fell on a binder of elegant do's that lay on the elegant coffee table and as I nonchalently flicked through one particularly caught my eye and.... I have taken a photo but have taken it at super high res and am a bit worried it will crash my poor blog if I put it up here but I'll have a go and you just tell me if it slows things up too much.

Pooch is saying nice things and I have to admit I kind of like it. Now don't laugh, but with this do and the clothes I bought in the sale (ones that actually FIT ME and are NICE rather than not-warranting-nice-clothes-because-I'm-only-temporarily-a-16-and-am-
bound-to-fit-into-all-those-size-12-things-again-any-minute) and the bead necklaces I made form my hobbycraft blow out this afternoon I feel like I am becoming the Byrne I have always pictured in my head rather than the one I was striving for. It all sounds a bit hippy but I feel like I've found the proper me for once.

At this point I need to lay off the heavy stuff and mention that in the photo above I am cloth-ed (as in clothe ed as in olden wording) in my brand new pyjamas from Monsoon. One of the joys of weight gain is the need to buy new things such as pyjamas. And one of the joys of being ag-ed (as in age ed) is that spending £30 on a pair of PJs no longer makes you RAOTFLMAO* as the young things say. And that was the sale price. I'm not yet at an age(d) where spending £55 on a pair seems sensible.

So sale shopping and haircuts aside I am having a rather lovely holiday. I have catalogued my stash. Oh yes. I have also been to see the new James Bond film - oh my word yes. I have ditched all those size 12 clothes that I am blatantly not going to wear again (I'm aiming for 14 by summer and will leave the 12s to the young folk). I have organised my remaining wardrobe so I can actually find things. Hmmm, actually this is starting to sound like nesting behavour. Anything you want to tell me, Byrne? Er, no.

On the subject of James Bond - I admit I was not happy when they went for a Blonde Bond. Nothing against blonds - one of my best friends is a blonde - but Bond has dark hair and flashing dark eyes. But.....BUT. Well, for a start, butt. The man is gorgeous. He's a bit overdeveloped in the upper body but I'm not going to mark him down for that. He has this pouty mouth that a supermodel would starve herself to death for and a voice that is all yummy. I shouldn't write all this as I have been having stern discussions with Pooch about the objectification of women in modern society but you can't deny he is pure beefcake with a cherry on top. His acting is rather good too and although I understand the film is quite long I didn't feel a moment of it was over the top. I really would recommend this one.

Speaking of Pooch...

Pooch's Kennel - life as a wool-widow

Went to see Casino Royal. Byrne annoying as usual on the way back wanting to talk about some man who was in it. Eva Green is rather nice, what what.

Byrne has developed the habit of hiding all my posessions in unlikely places. She also moves them around while I am looking for them and then slips them into my pockets so when she says "are you sure they're not in your pocket" she can turn out to be right and get all smarmy about it. Have taken to sitting on her cable needle at every available opportunity and then getting stroppy when she asks me to stand up every fourth row.

Had Joe round for dinner last night. Was very excited as when withdrew bottle of white from wine rack it had dust on it. Byrne failed to observe the significance of this, merely remarking that it was proof of how dirty I was. Am going to put her wool in the rubbish after she falls asleep tonight then will be able to point out how much cleaning I have been doing.

Plans for tomorrow: Grump, sigh, grump some more.



* Roll around on the floor laughing my ass** off

** small american donkey

Remind me not to quote anyone anytime soon

No sooner had that blog post about sock machines gone up then James Brown has left this mortal coil and gone to a funkier place. Rather a shame but hopefully a lot of his music will now be played in tribute which will be good because it is damn funky.

So here I am on boxing day with another xmas gone. This one was unique in that it was completely family free as Pooch and I were very insular and ate our guinea fowl alone. It was actually really fun! This is depsite the post woman not coming on Saturday leaving me without my family's presents which is rather a shame and yet pretty good because I know that there are even more good things to come. I'll have to try to remember in coming days to post a picture of the duvet cover and pillows I made for my sister Sianybo which were rather good though I say so myself. I often wonder why I don't make these things for myself instead of putting up with tesco value tat so maybe that is something to add to the To Do list.

I was looking back at the blog archive for this time last year and couldn't find much mention of what my good intentions were other than a promise to exercise twice a week and eat more heathily. So, for the saje of tradition, let's put those on the to do list as well. I weighed myself this morning having put it off until the quality street were finished. I am 11 stone and 11 pounds which according to Google is about 75kg give or take an ounce. This is approx 1 stone and 4 pounds over what I was this time last year which is a bit of a bummer really. Bloody hell that's a lot of doughnuts under the bridge. So. SO.....Um.... I guess if I lose a pound a month I'll be 11 stone by the end of the year. Does that sound OK? Because afterall I am getting on a bit (several people have told me they thought I was about 25 recently although I can't help feeling that is down to a lack of maturity rather than youthful good looks) as I'll be 29 in 2007. That should mean I'll be a comfortable size 14 again rather than the size 15.9 I seem to be at the moment.

Now, where are those chocolates...?

Pooch's Christmas Message

It is with sadness that I look back at the last year and consider all the wasted opportunities for annoying my Byrne. There have been many good instances, and I only wish there was enough space on the interweb for me to relate them all here, but I don't feel I have really made the most of the time we've spent together. I want to assure you, my loyal readers, that this will change in 2007.

Yours grumpily, Pooch

(woof)

Get UP! (get on up) Stay on the Scene! (get on up) Like a Sock Machine! (get on up)

Ahhhh, good old James Brown. Nobody does it better. Yes, here I am - sock machine supremo. I may detest the 4 needle method but those socks with seams have been leaving my needles at a fair old pace. I finished two pairs for me in the last couple of days both of which were started months and months ago but got put aside for ghastly xmas knitting.

Both pairs are sadly a little on the large side. But who needs svelte socks?

Here is the ghastly baby set that I did for someone my Mum knows.

Bernie did the hat - godbless'er - which lets me safely segway into an update of the knitting situation at work. Some time ago you may remember me casting myself in the role of evil stepmother slash witch in the snow white story tempting a young, defenceless colleague into knitting a mobile phone cover. Well.... she has finished a scarf with not a single mistake, ends sewn in and all, and has caused such consternation in her department manager at all this display of skill that it caused her to go out and buy needles and yarn to start her own. (Being a posh bird [and that is me writing that right so you know she must be pretty damn posh] she bought debbie bliss 100% cashmere at something like £10 for 25g. Asked me to cast on for her which I gladly did and knitted a row just for the experience. Verrrrrrrry lovely but that scarf is going to be worth its weight in gold.) So that is 3 colleagues converted. Oh yeah.


Now before I continue I want you to promise not to laugh. Because I finished my mum's jacket and, um, it looks a bit odd. You know this woman....

Well, make sure you don't think of her when you look at this:

Yeah, I know.

So anyway, the winner of the first challenge for the Proud To Be Crafty zine was Ingrid Curl. Hoorah! And what did she win, well well.....

Well done Ingrid! And you can enter challenge two - just get hold of a copy of the zine and find out all about it.

Happy Christmas Everyone!

ATTENTION

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE .

I'M JUST POSTING TO SAY GOODBYE.

I'm not kidding. I've been sitting at my desk sniggering like a school boy who's just been told a fart joke for the last 10 minutes.





Now that the xmas knitting is gone and done I have had a chance to join some new ATC swaps. While perusing the web for vintage nudes (as you do, at work, when your screen faces the whole room) I came across this website. Obviously I wouldn't take any of the images from this website as that would infringe copyright but they are all remarkably free of watermarks and there is an amazing variety.




It is amazing what you can find on the web. For instance I can see the one on the left making an appearance on an ATC sometime soon.

Someone else at work has been made redundant in a rather unexpected reshuffle. All a bit odd. What is odder is that I got a kind of random job offer from a website that uses ZoomInfo to find likely candidates. What is weird is that I typed in my name and out of all the Al*x B*rne's in the world (and there is one who has won lots of oscars for costume design) I come out 3rd on their list. Try yourself. If ever there was a reason for not putting your real name, at least in full, on your blog this is it!

Cast off the old, in with the new

Finished the bloody xmas knitting! Just checking in quickly as had a hectic day off yesterday frantically knitting, stitching and otherwise fiddling with presents after a busy weekend in manchester with Pooch's family. ALL DONE! Thank ****.

Have sent out about 35 copies of the zine which is rather good and have had some very nice comments back. You can still get a copy here.

Have more pictures of cherries to be posted but none with me so until tomorrow........

Impromptu lectures

When I got to work this morning I got called into a photo shoot for our Events business's new brochure. Being sober and upstanding I got to stand at the front behind a lecturn and pretend to lecture. Except I saw no point in pretence and decided to go for it. My homily (sp?) covered many subjects including

• the music of william shatner


• balanced scorecard


• the distribution of staff survey results


• the height of some of my co-workers


• the flying spaghetti monster

It worries me that there are some people out there who do not know about his holiness, the FSM. Here he is:

I know. He's breathtaking. I have asked Pooch for the gospel of the FSM for xmas. I love him, and Pooch, and want to be touched by his noodly appendage, and the FSG's fnah fnah. I feel it is important that anyone who has heard about Creationism should also read about Pastafarianism.

Incidentally my colleagues already think I'm nuts so were not surprised at any of the above topics.

Just before I go - is the word 'bodkin' really in such decline? Even women in their 50s claim not to know of the word. I feel like it was one of my first 10 words like dada or potty. Reassure me here - others do know of and use it don't they? What else would one sew up seams with?

One word meme

Where do these things start?

Yourself: Ditzy
Your boyfriend: Pooch
Your hair: awful
Your mother: Bookish
Your father: Distant
Your favorite Item: Chocolate
Your dream last night: absent
Your favorite drink: chocolate
Your dream car: red
The room you are in: impersonal
Your ex: numbered
Your fear: madness
What you want to be in 10 years? Poochetta
Who you hung out with last night? Pooch
What you're not: Unhungry
Muffins: chocolate
One of your wish list items: wool
Time: lacking
The last thing you did: kiss
What you are wearing: cords
Your favorite weather: rain
Your favorite book: Freakonomics
The last thing you ate: cherry!
Your life: patchy
Your mood: sleepy
Your best friend: Louise xxx
What are you thinking about right now? dinner
Your car: none
What are you doing at this moment: hungering
Your summer: warm
Your relationship status: dreamy
What is on your TV? nothing
What is the weather like? windy
When is the last time you laughed? just now
Who do you tag? anyone?

310th post

I made that the title as there must be something to celebrate in this otherwise most unlovely of Tuesdays. Those masochists among you who have been checking in for some time now may have heard me mention the film "Zoolander" once or twice. There is a point in that film where Hansel (Owen Wilson) is telling a story to a group of himilayan pygmies while baking bread. It goes something like this....

"So I'm free-basing down this mountain in the alps and all of a sudden I feel the snow slide under me and I'm like 'oh no' and suddenly I'm falling and I'm falling through the air waving my arms and screaming 'aaaaarrrgggghhhhhh'.... when all of a sudden I'm like.... 'Hansel? Haven't you been smoking Peyote for 6 straight days? And isn't it possible this all a hallucination? And you know what?..........It was! I was in Utah. I've never even been to the alps!'

(Pygmie) 'Cool story Hansel!'"

From which story you will of course guess that it was only at the end of the day that I remembered I have PMT. Everything was fine up to when I got back from lunch and so to say it was an awful 'day' is taking it a bit far. It was more like an awful 2 hours which may run into tomorrow a bit but frankly who gives a shit.

Hoorah, hoorah, for I am not mad!

Had a day off yesterday and spent it putting in hard graft on xmas presents. And also putting in some serious cherry consuming too. Here are the two combined in my effort to be a bit yarnstorm-ish.
Aren't cherries fabulous? And don't they just taste great? You know, I didn't even like cherries until about September. Now I can't get enough of them.














You'll also see my beautiful pink denise cables in the photo above which are an early xmas present from The Pooch via Woolly Workshop. They remind me of just how much I totally adore my denise needles. I was further reminded of this when my blog went awol when I switched to blogger beta at the weekend. About 2 days it was missing for - rather annoying. When it came back all the info from the sidebar had gone so I had to look on google for a cache'd one and it came up with this. They really are so good. I have the plymouth bamboo interchangables and frankly they are not up to much. Fine to knit with - in fact divine to knit with - but not enough cables for a multi knitter such as me.

Here is a kind of knitting themed post of what I shall be knitting first once I get the xmas ghastlies off the needles. It's the socks that rock yarn I got in a swapbot swap. Aaaaahhhhh, lovely yarn.....beautiful yarn.....lovely yarn. Soon I will come back to you my pretty....

Ok. That's enough time off the ghastly knitting. All that remains is for me to insert a quick political spot...

[Ding, Dong, Pinochet is dead - hoorah hoorah may he believe in hell so he can rot there]*

....and to apologise for the lack of a report from Pooch's Kennel. He seems to be enjoying the attention too much so I'm going to suspend it for now.

*My revised religious beliefs still maintain that I can spell the 'r' word wrongly and have been updated to include a bit about how if you believe in heaven or hell you might end up going there. But if you believe that when you die that's it then that's what you get too.

Hexalong - yippee!

There is a woollywormhead pattern in knitty, which also contains umpteen other cool things. I am joining the knit along for it! Click on the button below to get to it or the pattern is here.

This is me, right?

This is me, right, with a young lady we will call Vinnie. Except she's not holding an apple. It's more like she's holding her first ever piece of red knitting. She managed to do it without a mistake and even cast off and on with no problem. Not too shaky for a newbie. Incidentally, mobile phone covers are the new pot holder. She was just lamenting that she is away for the weekend and has nothing to knit on the train. Oh yeah. I got her good.

I don't have long to blog today as just as I sat down to do this the xmas fairy landed in our office and I got heavily involved in The Decoration Project. Believe it or not I am one of the tallest on my floor (at 5'7" - place is full of midgets) so was called on for lots of sticking of blue tak. Fortunately we have a temp in who is seriously 6'10" and so no standing-on-rotating-office-chair-accidents took place.

Off to see Sound of Music tonight with the in-laws and then a weekend of family style debauchery - i.e. Greenwich market and Harrods. Have a good weekend everyone!

PS: BUY THE ZINE ;)

Live life like you're gonna die... because you're gonna

Nope, not a return to madness but the title of a great song that Will Shatner stars in. Let me lay some lyrics on you...

You'll Have Time
(William Shatner/Ben Folds)

Live life
Live life like you're gonna die
Becasue you're gonna
I hate to be the bearer of bad news
But you're gonna die

Maybe not today or even next year
But before you know it you'll be saying

Is this all there was?
What was all the fuss?
Why did I bother?"

Now, maybe you won't suffer maybe it's quick
But you'll have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time
Because you're gonna die.

Yes it's gonna happen because it's happened to a lot of people I know
My mother, my father, my loves
The president, the kings and the pope
They all had hope

And they muttered just before they went
Maybe, I won't let go
Live life like you're gonna die
Because you are

Maybe you won't suffer maybe it's quick
But you'll have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time
'Cause you're gonna die

There's more but I don't want you to get bored. What was making me think about this song was that I haven't been able to take my second anti-d for the last couple of days for various reasons and boy, am I feeling the effects. Lethargy, confusion, I feel like I'm thinking through treacle if you know what I mean. My memory is shot too. This is how I was feeling before I started taking the second one on top. It got me thinking about what a funny old thing the brain is and how the odd chemical here and there can make so much difference. It also reminded me that getting better is only the beginning of the end and I still have the long cut-down period to get through. But once I get to the end of it and once I have cut down there is a whole big future out there waiting for me.

Current medical thinking is that it is not wise to get pregnant while taking prozac. Bit of a no brainer some might think but there is research suggesting it adversely effects the brain chemicals in the baby. At one point they thought you should leave it for two years after stopping but this has been shorted to one cycle. I'm not gagging to have kids but that bint at work asking me whether I was pregnant did get me thinking about the whole thing. The idea no longer repels me anyway.

In knitting news am still banging away at the ghastly xmas knitting. Ghastly. Soon be over. Am also gearing up for the in-laws visiting this weekend which means a visit to 'Sound of Music' starring the people's choice woman who I think is called Carrie. Means I won't be blogging much towards the end of the week.

Right, back to the ghastly knitting....

Moo is home and has brought donuts!

Nicked this from Mooknits.

You Are a Caramel Crunch Donut

You're a complex creature, and you're guilty of complicating things for fun. You've been known to sit around pondering the meaning of life... Or at times, pondering the meaning of your doughnut. To frost or not to frost? To fill or not to fill? These are your eternal questions.

What Donut Are You?

*sigh* another load of no-sends on swap-bot.com. I am so disillusioned with that site although I have done a lot of good swapping on it. It is just so dispiriting when you make something, like a handknit dishcloth, and then get nothing back. I have just signed out of all the swaps that hadn’t started yet and will just slog through the ones I have left and then leave it entirely with atcards.com and the eclectic ATC Yahoo group. Maybe.

I have this internal conflict going on at the moment concerning the throny issue of organisation. As much as it may seem to conflict with my whole life I would really like to be organised. I am always writing lists but then tend to lose them or at least lose interest. The area of swaps is another one where I really want to be organised but am just not getting there. I have an excel file on my PDA but I keep forgetting it. Then I started another list in my notebook but keep forgetting about it. Then I tried writing it down but the paper wasn’t wide enough. My latest decision is to go back to the paper route but (and this is the big BUT {dissimilar to my big ol’butt}) I am going to do it landscape on coloured paper.

I had to break the paragraph there to leave room for the hushed she’s-a’fricking-genius type silence that just happened there. Who’d have seen that one coming?

The Pooch forms one corner of an uneasy triangle in my life at the moment, the other two corners being me and my muvver. Mumsy has asked that the cottage be a laptop free zone at xmas (we are going down to her this year) and Pooch has taken this rather personally. I spoke to Mum about it this morning and she has taken his taking it personally rather personally. Her argument is that it is antisocial. Pooch’s argument is that he wouldn’t dream of asking her not to bring a book or me to bring my knitting. My compromise is that the laptop stays elsewhere for xmas day and is then optional on other days. My argument is also that by his very nature Pooch = antisocial so you can either have him sitting in a corner glowering at the laptop screen or just sitting in a corner glowering. He looks as cute either way although the light from the laptop gives him a kind of ethereal anti-halo which does something for his image although I’m not sure what. All this calls for another entry from the kennel.

(Big Brother announcer’s voiceover…..)
Day 2 in the Pooch Kennel

Set alarm for 6.40am then objected loudly when Byrne got up at 7 and wanted to turn the light on. Even though she brought me a cup of tea I still loathe her. After she had left drank tea with sulky expression on face while counting ways to bring about her downfall. Got up and rearranged two bottles of wine in my 56 bottle winerack. Made my winerack some tea but it didn’t want it so I drank it.

Last night spent some time enumerating the number of meanings of the word ‘Byrne’.

1. Byrne? – cry of a wounded Pooch (wounds are generally a self-inflicted hangover)
2. Byrne! – sharp bark such as one uses on a cat when you have caught it munching on the Sunday roast. Used to reprimand and gain ceasing of current action. Usually ineffective.
3. Byyyyyyyrrrrrnnnne – stealth Pooch gearing up to ask for something.
4. Byrrrrrne – howl of despair when disco-ordinatedness has made me hit myself in the face again.
5. Byyyyyrrrrne – exclamation of surprise, such as when Byrne is found building my winerack. Usually denotes pleasure. Also used when discover Byrne has embroidered ‘Byrne was here’ on my underpants.

Me & my winerack have some tea

Every day in every way....

Do you know how much knitting I have to do? God damn christmas. Bah humbug! I am also somewhat preoccupied with the memory of how much time the MBA is going to take up when it starts again in May. I have to learn to really make the most of all the time I DO have. Which includes no more xmas knitting. NO MORE. But it's a bit late now. Oh poo.

Have been thinking for some time that Pooch should have a blog to put across his side of things. I wanted to call it Pooch's kennel but he has steadfastly refused to do one and this afternoon officially trademarked his name meaning I can't use it at all. So I have decided to have Pooch's blog as a subset of this one. So here follows the first entry of Pooch's kennel

Sunday 3rd in the Kennel

Got up today and drank a lot of tea. Then went back to bed with tea and my laptop. Did you know that the ATG couldn't find the SPU input with their elbows? Spent 3 hours on wikipedia reading about code breaking, mafia bosses with funny names and crocodiles while drinking tea. Surprisingly little overlap. Byrne bought me a winerack. About time since I've been asking for one for more than a year. She had to put it together because I'm too disco-ordinated. Yay, disco! Let's dance like Bez from the Happy Mondays. And drink tea!


My Winerack
(except mine only has two bottles in and I officially give Byrne permission to keep her shoes in the rest of the spaces. This is official because it is on my blog.)







So apart from that there is not much else to say and still can't post any pics as is all too sensitive. Oh except....
These are are just some of the squares I've been crocheting in my spare moments. It's a humungous blanket from the interweave crochet mag my SP bought me oh so long ago. I'm really enjoying it actually. And I like the modular nature which means I can just do a little bit at a time but see how it is building to make the whole. Which brings me on to the subject that is never that far from my mind.

I had my appraisal last week and was talking to sean about my feeling of isolation in my role and what I think I have realised over the last couple of days is that it's something that isn't going to change and as I'm not working closely with anyone I'm the only one who's going to notice what I do achieve. And I'm not going to notice unless I define the signposts or whatever they call them. Tomorrow I'm going to go into work and use the wonderful MS Project for something other than ATCs. Maybe.

lalala

Look at this site: http://www.captionmykitten.com/index.php?id=37&cap=584

Fricking hilarious.

So I have been away partly because I have been finishing issue 2 of the zine (and it is FINISHED and being printed as I type). You can order your copy here: http://proudtobecrafty.blogspot.com

Anything you want to share?

One of my colleagues just asked me if I was pregnant.













Great.






Anyway, spent the weekend in Oxford with the Pooch where there was a complete lack of yarn shops. I think I may claim the last week or two as an unofficial start to another stashalong month of abstainment. Can I do that retrospectively? Maybe if I told myself it was going to be a 2 month stint. But then that would mean missing out on the sales. But then I do have enough yarn to bury my pregnant looking form several metres deep so maybe that won't be such a bad thing.

OK, yes, 2 months, but backdating it to when I last bought yarn. Naturally this calls for a ticker to be created......


In knitting news I have finally finished the jumper for the wretched child and have begun the leggings - probably about 1/4 done on those. A colleague has offered to knit the hat to save the baby from total hate-knitting karma which is nice of her.

The second issue of the ProudtobeCrafty Zine is almost finished! (Go here to pre-order a copy and find out more) Hoorah. This is partly due to my being borrrrred at work - but you know how that bluesy tune goes as I sing it so often. It is my appraisal on Wednesday and I am expecting to receive another sonnet on tact and how I don't have any but at least it should be followed by some objectives I can't complete in 2 mins.

ATCs continue to occupy my thoughts when they are not taken up with knitting or the speed with which I can minimise my screen should someone important suddenly appear over my shoulder. I am quite into the digital versions where you create the image on the screen and print it out. I really think I should have been a graphic designer. Maybe it isn't too late although I'd need to take a pay cut for about a decade. Anyway... I am seriously into layering in photoshop. Ad speaking of layering - I am thinking of chopping all my hair off again. But considering I have a round face/head/body will this make me look fatter? Or more pregnant? Let us not forget it made me look quite weird when I was skinny.

Big old rant time

I've got a few minutes to spare and it so happens that my temper has been sorely tried today so what else does a blogger do in that situation other than sit down and inflict their views on the world?

I have been in a training course all day on customer care. I have been in a training course all day with a load of people who are mostly perfectly nice and about 3 who are the most ignorant f*cking idiots you've ever come across. The thing that finally got my goat was the all-physicists-are-weird chorus that gets trotted out by the aforementioned idiots every now again. The woman leading the chant this time happens to be jewish so having said I found the statement rather offensive and being told how stupid I was I asked her how she'd feel if someone said "All Jews are tight."? Now what I should have done was kept my mouth shut and just privately reflected on how good life was in that I only had to come into contact with her at these sorts of events. Instead she got all uppity and said you couldn't compare religion and an academic subject. I don't want to offend any readers of a religious pursuasion but perhaps this is because science is based on fact whereas religion is based on a load of lala. Don't tell me all physicists are weird and then tell me it's 'normal' to walk around convinced there's a trumanesque god watching over you. What kind of dumbarse thing is that to say?!

Another thing (AND ANOTHER THING) that happened was someone who would be the stupidest person working here if it weren't for the 'normal' woman and one other who I swear has nothing but stale air between her earoles said that George Bush was responsible for 9/11. Completely. And possibly MI5. WHAT??? I can only imagine that she is a creationist. What kind of moron thinks that a man as dumb as george bush could possible orchestrate a disaster like that and fool EVERYONE into thinking it was bin-laden? She even wrote a web address on a piece of paper for me so I can learn the truth. THE TRUTH??????








I have a card at home.

On the front is a rather troubled looking lady with a speech bubble.

It says,

"I tried to be normal but the effort drove me mad."

I feel, people, that I keep trying and society just conspires against me all the time. I realise I shouldn't let these things get to me but it really does bother me an awful lot that f*cking morons

like this walk around and can do things like breed, vote, buy a gun.

Yes, I guess you could say I'm feeling a little bit tense. Rather than go and blast some of those 'normals' with a weapon I am going to go to a hip hop dance class so I can blow them away with my moves (should I ever meet them on a dancefloor). At least I am hoping this might turn out to be mildly enjoyable so that I can finally find a form or movement that I don't totally detest and can treat like exercise. If this doesn't work I am going to try pole dancing. I hear it's good for toning you up.

New Crush - behold a god

I have a serious new crush. I just watched sunday night's episode of Torchwood. Does anyone else get the raging horn, as I believe Derek & Clive called it, about John Barrowman? I am totally loving this man. YES I know he's gay but I don't care. I just adore him and am happy to do so from afar. And not only that but I think Torchwood is much better than doctor who. I love the 'grown-up' feel about it and that none of them are smug.

Um, that's kind of all I've got to say actually. Except,

I love John Barrowman

So there I was

minding my own business in a one-to-one with my boss when he turned to me and said "Well, one thing's for sure. You're not destined for a career as a diplomat."

Actually it wasn't quite like that. The words that may have passed my lips before the long pause which preceded this statement were "Bring it on." Not to much of the "J'ACCUSE!!!!!" with pointy finger that I am imagining I have seen in some french melodrama as a "Yes, not everyone likes your style." Which is fine. Old Byrne would have gone into a tailspin about this and sat and had it go round and round and round and round and so on until she ended up on the phone to the samaritans. New Byrne is above such things. New Byrne accepts constructive criticism and uses it to learn and grow from, like watching an OU programme at 4am with your feet in a bowl of manure. So New Byrne sat on the tube (yes - sat - hahahahahahaha!) and did what she does best. I'd alrready got a gantt chart for my ATCs so this time I did a balanced scorecard of my life. I'm not going to put it up here because New Byrne understands that some things are for blogging and some things are private.

The most useful thing sean said (and there were a lot - he isn't one to just criticise and then leave you hanging) was "You are too process orientated. If you focus on the goal more then any progress towards it is positive." Which fits perfectly with the New Byrne life. New Byrne incidentally looks set to be an IT Project Manager. Oh yes.

So that's enough about schitzo byrne and the dizzy world of physics admin.

My crafty mojo hasn't yet reappeared. Have been slogging away on an erika knight baby jumper in cashsoft 4-ply in pale grey. Finished the equivalent of the front and one and a bit sleeves considering it is all being done in one piece. Leggings to do after that and a hat. Curse all babies.

Am having a silly amount of trouble finding a puzzle piece to alter as the conclusion of my altered art chat class last week. Does anyone happen to have a puzzle that has lost more bits than is good for it and who is prepared to put a couple of the hangers-on in the post to me? Can you believe people actually don't put puzzles with missing pieces on ebay?! They put everything else on there so I don't see why not. The idea of using just one piece of a new one repels me as a huge waste.

Another day in the life

Here is a microsoft project plan of the ATC cards I had to do when I created it on Tuesday.


Good, isn't it? For those of you who know about such things you'll notice that the tasks aren't linked but what I did do is make the time to make 1 ATC = 1 day so where the task is 4 days long that means 4 cards. Then I decided that I can make 3 cards a day. So my Alex resource = 300%. Then I assigned myself to each task and then levelled the resources to see when the making hot spots were. I fully intend to update it today and add in the slack bars but I don't want to run out of things to do like I had yesterday by 9.30am.

So peeps, do you get what I'm saying here? Yes, work is still a tad on the slow side. What I have done is written 4 project proposals and fired them off to various people internally. Much to my surprise one has been taken up and IOP Enterprises will soon own an online shop selling funky stuff with funky graphics on obscurely related to physics. This gives me about half an hours work to do later on which I'm saving so as I have something to look forward to.

All this means that the zine is practically ready - many thanks to those of you who have already pre-ordered #2 here. I will also soon be announcing the winners of the first challenge who will be in for prizes of crafty goodness. The first challenge was to make a pincushion (any theme) and get a photo of it to me asap. The best three get prizes.

In knitting news I am still on the xmas presents. NEVER AGAIN DUDE. I hate them all. Although apart from knitting I have been getting myself into a bit of a crafty tizz. I took part in the altered art online chat class on tues eve and it was FANTASTIC. Chat rooms are such great fora for this kind of class. The woman doing it was on one side of the US and there was me and others from the rest of the US and a couple of other countries. But when I actually came to sit down and do something I felt strangely unable to act. So in fact I haven't done very much in the evenings since then. I think I've lost my mojo a bit.

Pooch and I had the 2 1/2 year anniversary of our hooking up this week so tonight we are off out for dinner and james bond. Hoorah!

Blog trawl

Felt compelled to post for a staggering second time today because of the most recent cat picture over at Crazy Aunt Purls. I really wish I had a cat. Then my job wouldn't be so boring and I wouldn't get so obsessed with ATCs - apologies to annarella for banging on about them in a comment on your blog a minute ago!

Since I'm here, we also have the following from today's blog trawl....

• Excellent flea story linked to from purlpower (you just have to take a leap of faith that a story about fleas is worth the clicking to get you there) (and it is)
• New hat patterns from woollywormhead. Just splurged a full £1.75 on the spiral cap. But it's DPNs, curses. Then some things are worth the agony. Like childbirth. Or so I hear.

A light haul this time. Off to ATCards.com for an online class on altered art now. Yippee!

Digital ATCs

Have found a new website called atcards.com and have joined a new swap for digital ATCs which I've never done before. We have to do 4 each based around 'your wildest dream'. Here are my first three.

Tulips

Swimming in chocolate

Knitted Byrne


Ha!

As you might be able to tell it has been a slow day at the office. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored. Have emailed me boss begging for more work again which is just such an unnatural act I feel sure there must be a law against it. It's just not natural. My one concern is I'll get made redundant but then I'd get a nice fat cheque and the kick I need to change direction and actually do something interesting with my life.

The second issue of the Proud to be Crafty zine is oh so nearly finished. It is very exciting. Certainly much more exciting than my day job. It's not very refined yet but you can preorder here. If you want it sent overseas please be honest and add the postage. For some reason paypal wouldn't let me have more than one shortcut set-up at a time. If you know how to fix this do drop me a comment.