Steptoe and Son live again

This actually happened outside my flat on saturday. I don't want to come across as a curtain twitcher but it was too funny not to stop and watch.

When I first came across them I walked past on ym way back to the flat. They had obviously just lost stuff off the trolley and were putting it back on again. They were almost done and just setting off again. Then disaster strikes....For reasons Pooch and I were unable to fathom they kep trying to go over the bumps.

Each time they went near the bumps the whole lot keeled over and they'd start again. For the first couple of times the younger bearded guy just stood and watched. Not moving, not saying anything. Meanwhile the drunk older guy ranted and raved at the injustice of the universe. As they finally headed off Pooch and I were both singing the Steptoe theme tune...

Anyway...have rejoined SwapBot after about a year away. Looks to have got a lot more cliquey since I was last there but am being more selective about which swaps I've joined. I did fall for a stitchmarker swap though and have done pretty nicely out of it. Looks at these babies!

Yum! I also treated myself to a new 4mm denise single. Mostly because I keep running out of cables. I do love my Denises. Definitely my favourite of all the interchangable sets I've had. Woolly Workshop of course - where else?! Still my fave online shop.

I was surfing etsy the other day and came across some circular needle holders. I rather fancied one but didn't fancy the $48 price tag. Ta da!

I made little shrinkydink buttons for each pocket so I could see what was in it. I literally only have these 7 needles since I always use my Denises but they come in handy for the smaller things sometimes and magic loop.

Finally, another treat in the post. Two tawashi books!

Joined the Tawashi group swap on Ravelry. Thought would splash out so my swap partner gets some nice ones. OK then, and for me too!

Progress at last

I've finally finished the body of my mermaid.

Let me assure you this was no mean feat. Almost 800 rows, all garter stitch. 3 colours, short rows, increasing, decreasing. All crazy. On and off for literally months. But it is looking quite good. Only thing is there are still the two sleeves to go. Ah well...the end is in sight.

Pooch and I have had a rather difficult weekend. It was my first proper PMT since coming off the meds and he had Man U winning some cup or league or something so emotions were running high on both sides. Thankfully though we have good friends so Joe helped scoop Pooch off the pavement and Lou has sent through this amazingly appropriate mug. The red is absolutely perfect too. I had thought about getting the full size poster and putting it up in the place of the Man U painting in the front room but the mug is a good sub plus Pooch gets to keep his picture.

Yay for mates!

Naughty words

Don't watch the video if you're easily offended. Some very naughty words.

That is a video of Matt Berry looking quite amazingly sexy. He and Rich Fulcher did a very good job ona weird night in Soho on Monday. I thought it was just going to be them two but in fact they were just comperes. Here is the best of my photos:

Rubbish, huh!



So, um, not a lot else to say really. Work has been manic so not much else to say. Pooch is gearing up for the euro football next month. What shall I do to occupy all my free time while he is away? Was wondering about a knitalong or a challenge. Anyone got any ideas?

Skirts and Chickens

I made a skirt!

It's a pretty simple wrap one which took about 2 hours from measuring to finished. It's from this book, which I bought a few months ago and have been meaning to do something with ever since. I found the fabric in a shop in kingston when I was there giving a talk last week. Here it is closer to:

Elephants and zebras doing sums....what could be better?

Pooch and I have had a rather lovely bank holiday weekend doing not much in particular. Tonight brings a comedy night with Rich Fulcher, aka Bob Fossil, and Matt Berry, aka Dixon Bainbridge or Douglas in the IT Crowd. He's dreamy. I just read his wiki page for the first time. I had no idea he'd done all that. Hmmmm, clever too....an added bonus.

Back to Pooch...he has bought me a new chicken to add to my blossoming collection of....2. Here is the new one.

Here's the gang.

Now I've got the following scenario in my head. Let's say Matt Berry is surfing before the gig tonight and comes across this reference to him. Then he reads the thing about the chickens. He puts me down as a crazy chicken lady. Then our eyes meet tonight across a crowded venue and then realises I am the aforementioned crazy chicken lady. Turns away. Snogs someone else instead. Poo.

Hiding out, offline style

It's amazing how nowadays if you avoid a few keys sites, such as hotmail, blogger and for the youth of today, facebook, you can basically vanish. I have been feeling particularly antisocial recently though which has also led to my hiding out away from social gatherings of knitters as well as their online presence. My small altercation with the Pooch made me miss the pink project afternoon at Stash and since then I've barely been anywhere. However, even on my tod the knit continues.

So where did I leave off? Well the buttons socks are finished.

I think they're rather nice and they have been worn with pride. I might even wear them with my new shoes which I just couldn't resist. You know the pattern for saartje's booties (look under 'free patterns')? These are my adult version, curtesy of Clarkes.

There has been some stash enhancement too - Peaches and creme cotton from the craft cottage. It really is nice looking stuff and I do like the colours. This one is called sunshine or something like that and is my favourite.

Jane had a new book at the one NWKTog I managed to get to. 50 sensational crochet afghans and throws and I immediately fell for at least three of them. I have started one in baby blanket size. I can't say the colours are quite as I'd wish but it just goes to show - don't do a striped blanket in variegated yarn (james c brett marble DK) and expect it to look like the picture.

I do like it though.

I have also now three times cast on the adult surprise cardigan and each cocked it up (technical term). This is one of those attempts. Note the teeny tiny armhole.

I do like the colours though. James C Brett Marble chunky this time. I like my james c brett. I also made some shrinky dink stitch markers to help me remember the decreases. Not that that has actually helped me, obviously.

I've never shrunk a dink before and really rather like these. So I'm making some more. The ones on the left are going to be buttons. You can see how much they shrink.

My main progress has been on the Mermaid cardi where I have almost done the back. Just the right front and sleeves to go. I've completely changed my mind about the colours too. I really like them now.

To finish up I went to a conference in bristol zoo last week. It was tres cool with pygmie hippos, penguins and more. But the best thing were the bats. They were Johnson bats or something like that. Not those little fruitbat things you normally get. There was a net over the top of a fairly large enclosure so they were actually flying around over my head. And then they'd use hooks (?) on the end of what I am going to call hands and feet until someone educates me otherwise. So they'd land on the net like this:

...and then basically crawl across it to get to wherever they wanted to be. Was very cool. One was hanging above me for ages just looking around. It was hugging itself. So cute. There was another lying on a radiator in the enclosed bit. A mum told her child it was dead (the kid seemed fairly ok about it - they breed them tough in the south west) then it got up and flew about. She told him it must have got better. That's one kid who's going to be confused when he loses his first gerbil. Here's the thoughtful one just hanging around looking cool.

I haven't podcasted for ages and I haven't announced the winners of the last competition either which is pretty crap. I'm not going to commit but I am almost inspired to do another one this bank holiday weekend. You never know!

Keep Calm and Carry On

My friend Bernie introduced me to this phrase a few months ago and since then I have seen a revival of the old WW2 posters.

Having been so god damn angry yesterday I have now calmed down to a mere simmer and things are more or less back to normal in the shaky ceasefire Pooch and I think of as our loving marriage! Pooch has been suitably apologetic and seems to have scared himself almost as much as me. He's promised to make it up to me today with a big roast lunch and so on. I've pointed out some sort of thoughtful and unprovoked present would also be suitable but he's fighting me on that one. I'm also going to sort out the contents insurance myself while he's out at the supermarket.

So yes, thanks for all your lovely comments. Normal service will shortly be resumed. And by the way, welcome to all the readers of 'Let's Knit' magazine who have come over here to read about knitting and listen to my 'weekly podcast'. Weekly, hmmmm.

Friends don't let friends knit drunk (ADULT CONTENT)

It is not often nowadays that I blog about personal stuff because I kind of did it to death a year or two ago but sometimes something happend that fucks me right off. So maybe while friends don't let friends knit drunk one should always bear in mind a few other little mantras. Let us consider some.

• Don't blog angry
• Regularly test your smoke alarm
• Always make sure you have contents insurance because you don't know what the stupid fucker you live with is going to do next
• Men don't change unless they are under 5 years old
• That which does not kill us may well make us stronger but is also going to piss me right off

The stupid twat came home paralytic last night. What kind of person reaches the age of 31 and still totally fails to recognise their own limits? He bursts in and immediately falls against the bedroom wall waking me and making the wardrobe shake. I fall back to sleep. I am guessing this is about 1.30am. I can't be sure but I think it is a good estimate. Because it was 1.50am when the smoke alarm went off. How long would you say it takes a fuckwit to stagger into the kitchen, find a pack of pikey super noodles, spill them open and into a saucepan, turn the hob on full blast, pass out on the sofa and for them to boil dry and burn to the point where they fill the flat with smoke and set the fire alarm off. I'm estimating 20 minutes.

I got up when the smoke alarm went off, as you do, and turned it off, turned off the hob, poured cold water into the smoking noodles and walked into the living room where the computer genius was. It took 20 seconds of rough shaking to rouse him. I actually kind of enjoyed that bit. You might think of that as a highlight. In hindsight I should have made more of that. I opened the window and went back into the kitchen to turn on the extractor fan and by the time I got back to the living room he'd got up, closed the window, and passed out again on the sofa. What a fucking retard.

This morning I got up and on my way to the bathroom heard my name being shouted from the spare room. "What's the matter" he says. "It wasn't so bad" he says. Wasn't so bad. I've had the windows open most of the morning and the place still stinks of burnt noodles. He had passed out and hadn't even stirred when the smoke alarm had gone off. We don't have any contents insurance because he said he'd sort it out 3 years ago and then did fuck all. He won't even sign his fucking 'death in service' insurance over to me even though we're fucking married. If he had managed to set fire to the kitchen, himself, the flat and most importantly my uninsured stash and even me in the bedroom I'd have been left with nothing except some memories of how fucking typical the whole thing was. It's also left me feeling slightly narked. Can you tell?

Now when he reads this he's going to be pissed off and use that to try and gain the upper hand in the grumpy stakes. But do you know what? I don't fucking care. I am so pissed off with him. I just booked a 5 star cruise down the nile for october. I should be happy. I should be floaty light. I should possibly stop using the word' should' so much since i regularly lecture others on how that kind of phrasing leads to depression and despair. Perhaps actually I 'should' just stop blogging and go and do something fun.

Catch Up Part 2

Right, where was I? Ah yes, Tutankhamun.

I'm rather strongly opposed to fiddling about with graves and putting the bodies on show. I intensely dislike that part of the British Museum. I'm not religious myself but these people did believe very strongly that their bodies had to be prepared and buried in certain ways and that if that happened they would live on in the afterlife. I might not agree with them but nor am I ready to say they were definitely wrong. However, as there is no chance of them putting the stuff back (and in fact they have left the body in there most of the time give or take the odd MRI) I decided to pay the exorbitant entry fee and go down to the O2 centre which is only three tube stops away. I had to take a photo of the dock on the way as it looked so springlike and lovely.

The exhibition itself and the O2 centre were deeply dissappointing. I never went to the Millennium Centre when it was 2000 and although the scale is impressive I hated how commercial it was. You are forced to walk past every shop and eatery in there to get to the exhibition entrance. I guess I shouldn't have been suprised but still - it doesn't exactly get you in the mood. I foolishly paid for an audio guide but it was a waste - barely more than the cards on the items said and only about a tenth of the items on display had audio anyway. The exhibits were pretty amazing but so uninspiringly curated. It was like a temporary warehouse with no atmosphere. I kept reminding myself the things were thousands of years old but it was hard work to get excited about any of it. A channel 5 documentary is generally more evocative and engaging than that exhibition. The commercial thoughtlessness of it was summed up by the gift shop. Look at these.

Tissue boxes. And they were probably about £20 each. Such a load of tat.

Anyway, happy thoughts. One happy thing is the arrival of two new books chez byrne. I have developed an apparent thing for Zoe Mellor since seeing TutleyMutley's 'Animal Knits' at SkipNorth. I've been keeping an eye on ebay and this one came up. It's got some really lovely stuff in it and a beautiful kaleidoscope type baby blanket.

There's also another funny 80s book. Some of the designs are quite amazing.

I've made progress with my step-dad's jumper. This is the first sleeve. The pattern is doing my head in a bit but it's going ok. Which reminds me - I hear MagKnits has ceased to be. Glad I printed the pattern while I had the chance.

I've been having more luck with this scarf. I love it!

I think the kind of fabric it has made is just beautiful. Then lastly there is a sock, of course. Always a sock. But it is a good sock.

These are crosswalkers and good fun to do but they are progressing quite amazingly slowly. The yarn is another SkipNorth acquisition. I've got it in orange and pale green too. I like the way it looks a bit like crazy fruit- which I guess would mean the black bits in this pair are tarantula's eggs.

Now finally one of the most exciting things to happen to me recently is that I finally got to see Wrestlemania 24. Awesome. I watched it all yesterday afternoon. There were a couple of classic moments. Rick Flair had his retirement match with HBK. Look at him.

Last of the old showmen really. He was also inducted into the hall of fame. The match was really rather good which surprised me since I think Rick Flair is long ast his prime but Sean Michaels did him proud.

Then there was the biggie - that I'd been looking forward to.

Triple HHH - mmmmm. John Cena - mmmmmm. Randy Orton - ....maybe. All three sweaty men together thumping each other....mmmmm. It was all a bit gay though. Look at these two grappling in their tiny black pants on the announcers table.

Again there were some classic moments. What about when Cena had Orton in a submission hold and then HHH got Cena in the same hold? I know - wow.

I was dissappointed the match wasn't longer as there were some really good moves going on and the outcome was rather unsatisfactory - I never in a million years would have thought 'he' would win (don't want to spoil it for you!). The other big match was the weirdest - the world boxing champ versus the world's largest athlete. Check out the size difference.

Big Show is about 300 pounds heavier than the boxer whose name I forget. It was actually quite an entertaining match and not just some showpiece nonsense.

Wrestlemania 25 is in Texas next year. I would give my teeth to go. Which brings to mind a bit of a conundrum. I have saved up enough money for a pretty nice holiday. I had been set on japan but I'm wavering. Maybe Egypt. Or maybe...who knows. I do know I need to get on with it. Otherwise I'll never get anywhere!

Catch Up Part 1

I have had an impromptu few weeks off from blogging and podcasting...but I'm back again and have lots to share.

This is the year I turn 30 and so I have being trying to decide how to mark it. One idea I had was to dye my hair red. But I'm not 13 so I couldn't bring myself to do a DIY full change so this is the adult version.

This is the adult version with me momentarily captivated by something on tv.

The red is underneath with brown above and below. Bit like a jam sandwich on granary. To go with my new hair I went for a new experience - a recording of "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" in Hammersmith. This is the gang on stage.

Jeremy Hardy was the fourth team member and all together they were very funny. Humph even played the trumpet and it was absolutely magnificant.

Back in the real world the travelling button swap on ravelry arrived at Byrne Towers. It is a lovely idea - fill a box with buttons and send it round the participants. Each time it arrives you take out what you want and put the same amount back in. I scored this lot.

The yellow daisies on the right are really lovely - I've got quite a collection of lower buttons now. There are also some lovely metal ones and some pretty inlaid shell ones too.

It had been some time since Pooch had come home with a weird present for me so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he produced this:

Yes, it is a bonsai. Anyone without a bonsai is probably thinking it's quite a nice present. Anyone with one I already thinking that kittens are less hassle to look after. It's not the weirdest present he's got me and it has made it through the first week so there's hope yet I suppose.

My biggest achievment since I last blogged is to have made a pair of shoes (ok, slippers). These are out of a japanese craft book I got on ebay a while back. They are not much but for a first attempt I think they're not at all bad and I have been wearing them.

And of course they do help sustain my complete polka dot fixation. Check them out with my pyjama bottoms...

With the instructions being in japanese I had to half work them out myself so as an aide memoire for next time:
1. Assemble uppers - sew at heel on outer and lining first and then sew two together around top of foot.

2. Attach soles. Double layer arranged as attached. I left the toe open so I could insert a commercial insole from Boots.

3. Inset insole and sew toe shut by hand. Voila!

This is a similar book to the one I used and it is the same seller. I've had quite a few books from her and she's very reliable.

One bit of knitting I have been doing is my version of the button up socks from Ravelry. The pattern on there was something crazy like $8 so I winged it using my two-needle pattern. This one is a tad too small so the next will be a bit looser.

Yarn is ridiculously cheap on etsy from here. It's called Vinca and is kind of slightly hairy as if it had a small amount of mohair in it. I looked it up on ravelry and its been reviewed well. I love this colourway. I'm considering another sock yarn jumper in it.

Quite enough of a catch up for today. Tutankhamun and more knitting to follow another day soon.

Can I get a woo-yeah? OK, how about a boll-ocks?

I finished the lovely lace style cardi. Only thing is it just isn't that lovely. It's too fricking big!!!

At first look it might look ok. But let's take a closer one.

First hint of truoble. Look at how that shoulder is all puckered and not looking too good. Close up you can see the shoulder is hanging more than an inch below my actual shoulder.

It's not like I'm underendowed in the shoulder dept. It's just too damn big. Such a shame because I really like it.

Work it girlfriend...

The only thing keeping me going is that my crosswalkers (links straight to pdf) are looking rather nice.

Much more subtle than jaywalkers but still interesting and they adapt very well to the magic loop method.

I scored an amazing book on ebay this week called 'The Tap Dancing Lizard'. I came across it by chance and it is full of charts for hand and machine knitting. How can anyone not fancy this on a jumper:

And, um, elephants...

OK, maybe not the actual elephants, but it does have some amazing designs and I can see them appearing in knit-form in my near future.

Now lastly I met up with my little sis on monday for dinner. She really is an impressive specimin. Brain the size of a planet and about to jet off to America for a year as part of her degree. She was in london, all expenses paid, to do a course with her prospective employer and happened to have the boyfriend along.

This is a rather rare photo since she's normally a tad camera shy. Think the young man must be doing her good.