In love...

I adore this pattern. It makes any self-patterning yarn look spectacular. I've made it twice for other people but never for myself. Having fallen for this yarn (Opal) in Iknit I knew the two were meant to be together. Loving it. I've been thinking of making a cardigan with the top third in this pattern like this one. Only without the nine freakin' dollars spent on the pattern. $9! For one pattern? Bleh.

Meanwhile I have a few more photos of the Santa Run...

I was thrilled to see on Twitter that Yarn Yard's Natalie has started Couch to 5K too. She says I inspired her and I was in turn inspired by another knitter. Aren't knitters great!?

Yesterday I took Gordon to a lecture of sorts by TV grinner Prof Brian Cox and his colleague Jeff Forshaw about their new book.

It was very interesting and I definitely want to read the book now. Hopefully I'll get it for xmas! The day had already been fairly awesome before we got to the South Bank for the lecture. Having got there early we had a good look round the christmas market and...what I've been wanting to do for weeks since I saw one outside the NHM...

You may have your whirlygigs and rollercoasters but give me a good old fashioned Carousel and I'm a happy bunny. Flash seemed to enjoy it too...

Adrift

Erm. You know after your divorce comes through?

What are you supposed to do then?

DB just texted to ask me how I was feeling.

I dunno.

On the 3rd day of christmas...

Today was the day of the big race.

My friend Steve had also agreed to do it and was running despite an ankle injury.

We were supported by my lovely bf and a number of other santas and their families. I think there were about 200 of us all together.

Flash took most of the photos so these are just a couple from my phone, but it was pretty awesome even though the first half was UPHILL! I have carefully mapped my runs to date so that they are on level ground so that was a bit of a shocker. But still, a mere 40 minutes after starting I was back again and medalled up. Oh yeah. AND we raised £155 - thanks to everyone who sponsored me and plenty of time left if you still want to. Click here for the JustGiving page.

I got home a little while ago utterly exhausted and a bit cold to find the Decree Absolute waiting for me. For those lucky people among you not up on divorce jargon - the decree nisi is permission from the Court to get divorced after they have accepted your evidence. The decree absolute is when the marriage is formally dissolved.

So for the first time since 1st August 2007 I'm single. I'll be honest - it's a bit weird.

Spinneroonie

One of the WWE Smackdown commentators is called Booker T. He used to wrestle and now commentates. His celebratory move was the spinneroonie.

Now I've got my own spinneroonie.

Only a few so far but it just goes to show what a difference a day makes. I was totally against the yarn I'd got for my new afghan last week. This week I'm all about it. I am firmly committed to crocheted afghans. I would love to do a Curve of Pursuit but it's knitting. Something about that just seems wrong.

The final fabric for my sister's wedding quilt arrived. It is one I created on Spoonflower and I'm rather happy with it.

It means I can start sewing and dutifully have. Rather exciting to be so far ahead of schedule for once. Naturally it won't last but, well, there you go.

So apart from all that how are things? It was a very busy week at work last week. 2 days in Manchester was particularly hard not just with the work being challenging but also because of that being Pooch's homeground. Every female voice reminded me painfully of the mother-in-law and sisters-in-law I've lost. Then when I got back Pooch rang me to say my father-in-law had had a heart attack AND had pneumonia. He went into hospital on Monday when I was actually in Manchester and could have done...something...I dunno. Pooch tells me he is improving but it's horrible to be at such a remove. I've written but it's just not the same.

To lighten the mood I am finally going to have a go at making raspberry marshmallow. The first time I was just trying for plain marshmallow and it went fairly horrible. This time I have a sugar thermometer so am slightly more hopeful. You can be sure I'll post the results here.

Catch Up

It's been one of those stop and start weeks. I decided I don't like the fairisle hat I knitted a few years ago so I cast on another one but the yarn (King Cole Moods 25% wool) is feeling a bit plasticy. I'm carrying on but may just give it to charity. I'm having the same issue with my afghan. I've got the yarn but have decided I'm not so keen on the feel of it. Then I also started this panel to be the front pocket of the apron I'm making my mater.

But I stopped again because I'm not sure the black of the jug looks right. Mum has a coffee pot just like that (sans face) but it's brown.

I quite enjoyed doing the flowers though.

I woke up at half 5 as per this morning and instead of going running made a wire hair stick pin.

Been wearing it all day and is pretty good. I used all the 1.5mm wire I had on it so have ordered some more. May add beads to the rest. I also made a necklace (all this pre 7am) which I've also been wearing all day but have decided I'm not keen on.

One thing I am keen on is this.

Love socks - free on Ravelry.

Work has been its usual self. The boys and I have been exchanging abusive post-its, the top one of which reads "Your mother rang" and then the second one has the message she supposedly left. I shan't share as my mum might read it. She would not be happy. I had to get a bit heavy with them at once point and so transformed into "Byrne with the Fist of Fury".

It was very effective right up to the moment where Jonesy peered at my fist and said "Does that say furry?". Kind of diminished the effect.

It is when I have most on my mind that I have least to say

My mind goes round and round so much I feel like I'm in the centre of my own little tornado. 

I felt like if I'd got on this Carousel (outside the Natural History Museum) I might have caught it up and had a moment of relative stillness. I *really* wanted to go on it. But felt I was too old and childless to actually do it. 

Big stuff makes little stuff seem rather pointless and not worth talking about. 

Hitchin a Ride on the Bandwagon

I have joined the Hitchhiker craze.

I duly paid my 2.50 Euros and as with thousands before me have been impressed with the simplicity of the concept. The yarn is one I picked up at the weekend in some unplanned stash enhancement. You see the tiny sequins?

So freaking sparkly! Once I've worn the Hitchhiker a few times and verified non-itchyness I may invest in a jumper's worth. SO FREAKING SPARKLY! There are times when the science and wrestling goes out the window and I turn into full on girly girl. This yarn is one such time. It is King Cole Galaxy and here on Ravelry.

My week off is almost at an end and I haven't done quite as much as I'd hoped to but at the same time I've had a good and stress free time. I now have almost all the fabric I need for my sister's wedding quilt and so the next stage is starting to cut the squares. I've also got some new clothes and a pair of glittery (SPARKLY) flat lace-ups to face the world in. After my last post I frogged...

• A cotton cardigan, complete bar half a sleeve
• Half a sock
• Half a top (up to the underarm point)

I also took a doomed jumper I'd been knitting and did a bit of fiddling (ripped a few rows and then cast off) to turn it into a rather lovely cowl. Having cast it off I can now see that had I continued the jumper would have been big enough for Bigfoot but the circumference goes nicely round the neck without quite reaching my knees so can be looped round up to three times to keep the Byrne neck cosy. 

As well as dealing with UFOs I also cast off a project I only started last month - the Pinery Jumper. I had swatched and washed and blocked the swatch (very rare for me) having read something about the behaviour of the yarn but was still very unsure when the jumper measured just 19" from neck to bottom. 

Post blocking it is still drying but is now a more suitable 26" long and looking very promising. The yarn is a wool/alpaca blend so it should come in very handy as the nights get snugglier. 

One last sparkly photo:

UFOs Hang Round my Neck like Dead Albatross

I googled to see what the plural of Albatross is. Opinions are varied. I've gone with the above.

According to Ravelry I have 15 WIPs or UFOs. However, I feel sure the truth is more like 20 since there are some I enthuse over so briefly they never even make it on there. Some have been UFO for years. YEARS! Every time I start something new I feel guilt at not finishing them. This clearly cannot continue. Let the ripping commence.

In other news I made Flash a pillow to commemorate his return from 3 weeks in Zambia for work.

He is partial to dinosaurs and it was he who introduced me to the interrobang. Someone asked me what we had in common. Those of you who know me off screen will know I am not renowned for my tan. This is Flash after 3 weeks in 35+ degrees.

Note the ghostly glow? Together we look like Sheamus's legs. This is Sheamus:

He is actually known on WWE as "The Great White".

This week is a staycation (ghastly word but if it's good enough for The Royals it#s good enough for me). Yesterday was housework and making the pillow. Today was appointments and a rummage around east london. Tomorrow I am going to be concentrating on fabric for my sister's wedding quilt. It's a project I shall have to conduct on Ravelry to keep it away from her beady gaze but one which I am looking forward to. The rest of the week promises a day of museums, a day of baking and possibly one of pampering depending on how the finances are looking. That may end up being a staypamper though. Something I feel certain the Royals have never dabbled in.

Fight for Your Right to Party

I was very pleased to read this morning that the succession rules relating to the British monarchy have been changed. In my early teens I was quite the little feminist, without having any idea that it meant more than regularly accusing men of being sexist. I am still a Royalist and am looking forward to the Jubilee celebrations next year when I will be waving a flag, much as I was at the Royal Wedding this year.

I have been thinking about right/wrong type things while awaiting a letter from the Court telling me whether my decree nisi was awarded last week. Plus of course (of course) there is the wrestling, because at Vengeance on Sunday (Vengeance is a PPV - pay per view) John Cena revealed his new range of merchandise.

(Cena is the one on the right)

Now John Cena is the highest grossing wrestler in WWE. He's constantly in one of the main stories and his former t-shirt (bright red with logo on front) could clearly be seen on about 40% of the crowd at any WWE event. So to change his branding has roughly the same impact as if Manchester United suddenly decided to wear green - these t-shirts are going to be big business.

WWE does a lot with the Make A Wish Foundation (granting wishes for children fighting life-threatening illnesses) and Cena in particular has granted more wishes than any other US sports celeb for the last X years running. They've also recently joined the "Be A Star" campaign (whose URL looks a lot like it says 'beast reliance') to wipe out school bullying. There has been some criticism of this since most of their storylines have a mean bully in them. BUT - it is the good guy who usually comes out on top - like Cena. Admittedly he does it by bashing the baddy's head with a sledgehammer or throwing him through a table - but he doesn't boast about it afterwards. Of course sometimes the line between good and bad isn't so easy to see - I know you're all thinking of Randy Orton too - but sometimes, whether or not you agree with the individuals involved, you know the right outcome has been achieved. Which is also how I am thinking about the divorce.

I leave you with this thought:

Mr Button

I came across these at the weekend and had to have some.

Source: johncaswelldesign.bigcartel.com via Alex on Pinterest

You add embroidery thread to give them little eyebrows and moustaches.

So sweet! £5 plus 75p postage from here.

I Love Screen Printing

I had my final birthday workshop at The Make Lounge yesterday. I did some screen printing as part of my BTEC but the screens were done for me using photo-sensitive emulsion and then I just bodged it. This workshop took you through from start to finish. I went for a knitting symbol first and sketched it out before cutting it out with a scalpel. So chuffed with the result!

Those are my first prints drying. One bag the perfect size for sock projects and a red top I had brought with me. Then I wanted to make something for my Mum as a christmas present. They had lots of examples and the ones using paper cut outs were very effective. I set to making some paper snowflakes - something I haven't done since I was a little girl.

The screens were a bit less than A3 so I printed it twice on the tea towel. I'm so happy with my things!

The others in the class had all sorts of ideas and here are some of their creations:

There were lots of others too.

So this leaves me in a quandry. I am already pretty craft-overloaded. I do not have storage room for any other equipment, but I'm totally in love with screenprinting. I have been lusting after an embroidery sewing machine to do text on clothes and things but with screen printing I could do any number of designs on all sorts of stuff. On paper too.

Pause for running hat update.

I need to make a business case to myself. Afterall - what would I really screen print? Apart from everything. Ne speedy pas Byrne. But it is quite awesome!

Keeping Track

You guys are awesome. So many lovely comments on my last post and other responses to it. Thanks x

It wasn't until Wednesday night that the anxiety subsided properly. In the meantime I had come across this on Pinterest.

Source: leafcutterdesigns.com via Alex on Pinterest

It is a conceptual knitting pattern from Leafcutter Designs. I am a bit of a sky geek and love cloud watching. It struck me that much the same could be done to keep track of mood as well. This is something that is often advised by therapists since when you are anxious/depressed it's very hard/impossible to remember when you weren't and to stop yourself believing you have always and always will feel like this. Being at the same time a realist (not a great combination with depression) I knew that I was very likely to lose interest in something I was supposed to pick up and knit two lines of each day. This is when I let technology be my guide.

The app I'm using is free and called "TracknShare". You can track anything with any scale. I've chosen a five point scale for both the sky colour and for my mood. If I stick with it for a month I'll look for some suitable yarns.

My love of Pinterest continues unabated. Here are some recent ones.

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

I have also been doing some knitting. Plugging away on the lovely cables of the Pinery Jumper.

I'm down to the waist (it's top down) and enjoying it.

I leave you with this final thought, also from Pinterest.

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Why I do not have a cat

This is such an uncomfortable post to write. Yesterday started off as a thrilling day - one when my dream of a decade or more was finally becoming reality. I was going to a cat sanctuary to meet a cat who I was then going to bring home with me. I was so excited. I had assembled all the equipment you might need for an indoor cat. It was all set up.

I went off to the sanctuary and the cat they had for me hated me. It was nothing personal - she hated everyone. I spent a few minutes sitting with her and stroking the other cat in with her and then I held my hand out to her so she could have a sniff. She gouged a chunk out of my finger and drew blood. Then whenever I got closer than a metre to her she hissed and growled. Evina, the sanctuary owner, agreed that she probably wasn't quite ready to be rehoused at the moment. So she took me upstairs and I met a beautiful 3 year old called Cookie. We got on very well. It seemed we were good to go.

She came home with me. She was understandably nervous. I left her to explore and did some knitting and every half an hour or so would make some sort of friendly overture. She responded when I did this and then went back to her 'safe' spot. After a couple of hours she was settled enough to have some food and water and then she got straight on my lap. She was very affectionate and it suddenly struck me that I had taken on responsibility for this little cat. She was now completely dependant on me. I was the one who would be taking care of her and ensuring she came to no harm for the next 10+ years. And that absolutely terrified me.

Somehow I had been thinking about this for years and been planning this adoption for months without this fact becoming clear to me. I had been so utterly stupid. How could I have done this? I didn't feel like I was 100% responsible for myself and I'd taken on another 'person' as well? I tried to calm down. I tried rationalising. I called my Mum. She tried to calm me down and she rationalised. She offered to come up, to take the cat to their house til I was calmer but I knew very definitely that this was not something that would have a short term fix.

Evina had been very clear that the sanctuary never lost touch with any of their cats and that if there was a problem I should call day or night. It was about 5pm so I didn't feel too bad calling her and she was lovely. She was so calm and understanding. She said this had happened before and that it was a situation where it was hard to know how you would feel until it actually happened. She came over and took Cookie away while I tried to hold back my tears.

I'm trying to hold on to the fact that that this isn't "it". Flash is out of the country for work til the end of the month but has said some lovely things by email and text, as have Mum and Evina. Flash said that this wasn't the end of my getting a cat - it just meant that "Cookie wasn't Smackdown". Evina said that Cookie had had a lot of cuddles and affection and a new room to explore and would be going back to the friend she had been sharing a room with at the sanctuary and so would be quite happy. Mum said...lots of Mum type stuff. And I have been telling myself that I couldn't have predicted this, that it is a temporary setback, that it doesn't mean I'm ill or getting worse again.

But...the little voice. Not, you know, a voice, in my head, kind of thing, but the almost sub-concious murmurings we all have that undermine our confidence. At least I assume we all have them. Mine is a kind of town crier. The experience leaves me somewhat humiliated - since I have been going on about getting a cat this weekend to anyone who would listen - but with a little more self-knowledge.

To be honest I feel utterly shit. I wanted a cat so much but it's the wrong time for me. I need to be completely confident in myself before I can take on responsibility for anyone else. Still, I wish I could have discovered that a different way. And now I've got to spend the next few days explaining to everyone what happened.