Keep Calm and Carry On

My friend Bernie introduced me to this phrase a few months ago and since then I have seen a revival of the old WW2 posters.

Having been so god damn angry yesterday I have now calmed down to a mere simmer and things are more or less back to normal in the shaky ceasefire Pooch and I think of as our loving marriage! Pooch has been suitably apologetic and seems to have scared himself almost as much as me. He's promised to make it up to me today with a big roast lunch and so on. I've pointed out some sort of thoughtful and unprovoked present would also be suitable but he's fighting me on that one. I'm also going to sort out the contents insurance myself while he's out at the supermarket.

So yes, thanks for all your lovely comments. Normal service will shortly be resumed. And by the way, welcome to all the readers of 'Let's Knit' magazine who have come over here to read about knitting and listen to my 'weekly podcast'. Weekly, hmmmm.

Friends don't let friends knit drunk (ADULT CONTENT)

It is not often nowadays that I blog about personal stuff because I kind of did it to death a year or two ago but sometimes something happend that fucks me right off. So maybe while friends don't let friends knit drunk one should always bear in mind a few other little mantras. Let us consider some.

• Don't blog angry
• Regularly test your smoke alarm
• Always make sure you have contents insurance because you don't know what the stupid fucker you live with is going to do next
• Men don't change unless they are under 5 years old
• That which does not kill us may well make us stronger but is also going to piss me right off

The stupid twat came home paralytic last night. What kind of person reaches the age of 31 and still totally fails to recognise their own limits? He bursts in and immediately falls against the bedroom wall waking me and making the wardrobe shake. I fall back to sleep. I am guessing this is about 1.30am. I can't be sure but I think it is a good estimate. Because it was 1.50am when the smoke alarm went off. How long would you say it takes a fuckwit to stagger into the kitchen, find a pack of pikey super noodles, spill them open and into a saucepan, turn the hob on full blast, pass out on the sofa and for them to boil dry and burn to the point where they fill the flat with smoke and set the fire alarm off. I'm estimating 20 minutes.

I got up when the smoke alarm went off, as you do, and turned it off, turned off the hob, poured cold water into the smoking noodles and walked into the living room where the computer genius was. It took 20 seconds of rough shaking to rouse him. I actually kind of enjoyed that bit. You might think of that as a highlight. In hindsight I should have made more of that. I opened the window and went back into the kitchen to turn on the extractor fan and by the time I got back to the living room he'd got up, closed the window, and passed out again on the sofa. What a fucking retard.

This morning I got up and on my way to the bathroom heard my name being shouted from the spare room. "What's the matter" he says. "It wasn't so bad" he says. Wasn't so bad. I've had the windows open most of the morning and the place still stinks of burnt noodles. He had passed out and hadn't even stirred when the smoke alarm had gone off. We don't have any contents insurance because he said he'd sort it out 3 years ago and then did fuck all. He won't even sign his fucking 'death in service' insurance over to me even though we're fucking married. If he had managed to set fire to the kitchen, himself, the flat and most importantly my uninsured stash and even me in the bedroom I'd have been left with nothing except some memories of how fucking typical the whole thing was. It's also left me feeling slightly narked. Can you tell?

Now when he reads this he's going to be pissed off and use that to try and gain the upper hand in the grumpy stakes. But do you know what? I don't fucking care. I am so pissed off with him. I just booked a 5 star cruise down the nile for october. I should be happy. I should be floaty light. I should possibly stop using the word' should' so much since i regularly lecture others on how that kind of phrasing leads to depression and despair. Perhaps actually I 'should' just stop blogging and go and do something fun.

Catch Up Part 2

Right, where was I? Ah yes, Tutankhamun.

I'm rather strongly opposed to fiddling about with graves and putting the bodies on show. I intensely dislike that part of the British Museum. I'm not religious myself but these people did believe very strongly that their bodies had to be prepared and buried in certain ways and that if that happened they would live on in the afterlife. I might not agree with them but nor am I ready to say they were definitely wrong. However, as there is no chance of them putting the stuff back (and in fact they have left the body in there most of the time give or take the odd MRI) I decided to pay the exorbitant entry fee and go down to the O2 centre which is only three tube stops away. I had to take a photo of the dock on the way as it looked so springlike and lovely.

The exhibition itself and the O2 centre were deeply dissappointing. I never went to the Millennium Centre when it was 2000 and although the scale is impressive I hated how commercial it was. You are forced to walk past every shop and eatery in there to get to the exhibition entrance. I guess I shouldn't have been suprised but still - it doesn't exactly get you in the mood. I foolishly paid for an audio guide but it was a waste - barely more than the cards on the items said and only about a tenth of the items on display had audio anyway. The exhibits were pretty amazing but so uninspiringly curated. It was like a temporary warehouse with no atmosphere. I kept reminding myself the things were thousands of years old but it was hard work to get excited about any of it. A channel 5 documentary is generally more evocative and engaging than that exhibition. The commercial thoughtlessness of it was summed up by the gift shop. Look at these.

Tissue boxes. And they were probably about £20 each. Such a load of tat.

Anyway, happy thoughts. One happy thing is the arrival of two new books chez byrne. I have developed an apparent thing for Zoe Mellor since seeing TutleyMutley's 'Animal Knits' at SkipNorth. I've been keeping an eye on ebay and this one came up. It's got some really lovely stuff in it and a beautiful kaleidoscope type baby blanket.

There's also another funny 80s book. Some of the designs are quite amazing.

I've made progress with my step-dad's jumper. This is the first sleeve. The pattern is doing my head in a bit but it's going ok. Which reminds me - I hear MagKnits has ceased to be. Glad I printed the pattern while I had the chance.

I've been having more luck with this scarf. I love it!

I think the kind of fabric it has made is just beautiful. Then lastly there is a sock, of course. Always a sock. But it is a good sock.

These are crosswalkers and good fun to do but they are progressing quite amazingly slowly. The yarn is another SkipNorth acquisition. I've got it in orange and pale green too. I like the way it looks a bit like crazy fruit- which I guess would mean the black bits in this pair are tarantula's eggs.

Now finally one of the most exciting things to happen to me recently is that I finally got to see Wrestlemania 24. Awesome. I watched it all yesterday afternoon. There were a couple of classic moments. Rick Flair had his retirement match with HBK. Look at him.

Last of the old showmen really. He was also inducted into the hall of fame. The match was really rather good which surprised me since I think Rick Flair is long ast his prime but Sean Michaels did him proud.

Then there was the biggie - that I'd been looking forward to.

Triple HHH - mmmmm. John Cena - mmmmmm. Randy Orton - ....maybe. All three sweaty men together thumping each other....mmmmm. It was all a bit gay though. Look at these two grappling in their tiny black pants on the announcers table.

Again there were some classic moments. What about when Cena had Orton in a submission hold and then HHH got Cena in the same hold? I know - wow.

I was dissappointed the match wasn't longer as there were some really good moves going on and the outcome was rather unsatisfactory - I never in a million years would have thought 'he' would win (don't want to spoil it for you!). The other big match was the weirdest - the world boxing champ versus the world's largest athlete. Check out the size difference.

Big Show is about 300 pounds heavier than the boxer whose name I forget. It was actually quite an entertaining match and not just some showpiece nonsense.

Wrestlemania 25 is in Texas next year. I would give my teeth to go. Which brings to mind a bit of a conundrum. I have saved up enough money for a pretty nice holiday. I had been set on japan but I'm wavering. Maybe Egypt. Or maybe...who knows. I do know I need to get on with it. Otherwise I'll never get anywhere!

Catch Up Part 1

I have had an impromptu few weeks off from blogging and podcasting...but I'm back again and have lots to share.

This is the year I turn 30 and so I have being trying to decide how to mark it. One idea I had was to dye my hair red. But I'm not 13 so I couldn't bring myself to do a DIY full change so this is the adult version.

This is the adult version with me momentarily captivated by something on tv.

The red is underneath with brown above and below. Bit like a jam sandwich on granary. To go with my new hair I went for a new experience - a recording of "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" in Hammersmith. This is the gang on stage.

Jeremy Hardy was the fourth team member and all together they were very funny. Humph even played the trumpet and it was absolutely magnificant.

Back in the real world the travelling button swap on ravelry arrived at Byrne Towers. It is a lovely idea - fill a box with buttons and send it round the participants. Each time it arrives you take out what you want and put the same amount back in. I scored this lot.

The yellow daisies on the right are really lovely - I've got quite a collection of lower buttons now. There are also some lovely metal ones and some pretty inlaid shell ones too.

It had been some time since Pooch had come home with a weird present for me so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he produced this:

Yes, it is a bonsai. Anyone without a bonsai is probably thinking it's quite a nice present. Anyone with one I already thinking that kittens are less hassle to look after. It's not the weirdest present he's got me and it has made it through the first week so there's hope yet I suppose.

My biggest achievment since I last blogged is to have made a pair of shoes (ok, slippers). These are out of a japanese craft book I got on ebay a while back. They are not much but for a first attempt I think they're not at all bad and I have been wearing them.

And of course they do help sustain my complete polka dot fixation. Check them out with my pyjama bottoms...

With the instructions being in japanese I had to half work them out myself so as an aide memoire for next time:
1. Assemble uppers - sew at heel on outer and lining first and then sew two together around top of foot.

2. Attach soles. Double layer arranged as attached. I left the toe open so I could insert a commercial insole from Boots.

3. Inset insole and sew toe shut by hand. Voila!

This is a similar book to the one I used and it is the same seller. I've had quite a few books from her and she's very reliable.

One bit of knitting I have been doing is my version of the button up socks from Ravelry. The pattern on there was something crazy like $8 so I winged it using my two-needle pattern. This one is a tad too small so the next will be a bit looser.

Yarn is ridiculously cheap on etsy from here. It's called Vinca and is kind of slightly hairy as if it had a small amount of mohair in it. I looked it up on ravelry and its been reviewed well. I love this colourway. I'm considering another sock yarn jumper in it.

Quite enough of a catch up for today. Tutankhamun and more knitting to follow another day soon.

Can I get a woo-yeah? OK, how about a boll-ocks?

I finished the lovely lace style cardi. Only thing is it just isn't that lovely. It's too fricking big!!!

At first look it might look ok. But let's take a closer one.

First hint of truoble. Look at how that shoulder is all puckered and not looking too good. Close up you can see the shoulder is hanging more than an inch below my actual shoulder.

It's not like I'm underendowed in the shoulder dept. It's just too damn big. Such a shame because I really like it.

Work it girlfriend...

The only thing keeping me going is that my crosswalkers (links straight to pdf) are looking rather nice.

Much more subtle than jaywalkers but still interesting and they adapt very well to the magic loop method.

I scored an amazing book on ebay this week called 'The Tap Dancing Lizard'. I came across it by chance and it is full of charts for hand and machine knitting. How can anyone not fancy this on a jumper:

And, um, elephants...

OK, maybe not the actual elephants, but it does have some amazing designs and I can see them appearing in knit-form in my near future.

Now lastly I met up with my little sis on monday for dinner. She really is an impressive specimin. Brain the size of a planet and about to jet off to America for a year as part of her degree. She was in london, all expenses paid, to do a course with her prospective employer and happened to have the boyfriend along.

This is a rather rare photo since she's normally a tad camera shy. Think the young man must be doing her good.

Hot water hotty

A happy ending to a sorry tale. The never ending aran jumper I was making years and years ago has finally become something useful. It occurred to me as I was dropping off to sleep one night that Pooch wanted a hot water bottle cover and I had this large piece of lovingly knitted pure wool with no purpose. So I took this:

and felted it. And made it into this:

Pooch wanted the buttons to be red "for hot" so I delved into my button stash.

Pooch and I have had a rather nice long weekend. We went off to this kind of craft collective in Colliers Wood called Merton Abbey Mills. Of course we managed to go there on possibly the weirdest weather day of the year. It was quite sunny at one point but then bitter winds were followed by a full on blizzard/hail storm. The snow/hail was blowing so fast it hurt when it got my face and we both ended up soaked and freezing. Haven't felt like that since I was little having snowball fights in the front garden.

This is Pooch in happier times being happy about the working water mill that still powers the potters wheel.

And then this is him being blasted by snow and ice. He's from the north, you know.

Meanwhile I have been slogging away on my Lace Style cardi and have almost finished the last bit - the back. I know you're supposed to do that first but I prefer to tackle a smaller piece first just to make sure it looks ok before going big. Should have done that with the never ending aran but it's obviously a lesson learnt since then. I hope to have it sewn up and done this week.

Lastly I have been catching up on jobs this weekend and one of them was to list this on etsy (Note: shameless self-advertising).

It's a one-off that I made for myself and have never worn. Perfect condition - just a bit chunky for me really. If anyone fancies it just pop over here and snap it up!

Bad blogger

I can remember rushing home from work to blog about my day and now here I am just bothering once a week. Pleh.

Something unusual happened chez byrne yesterday - I actually went out and was vaguely social....and with people I haven't been out with before. It was a gig by the band 'Susan George Booth' and my 'team' at work (aka Martyn) happens to be the lead guitarist and deputy singer. It was a strange experience. The pub was full of today's bright young things with lots of trendy haircuts and skinny jeans and quite a lot of flesh on show. All a bit ageing really. The music was what could be broadly described as shouty. The band describes itself as Grunge / A'cappella / Black Metal which I guess sums it up pretty well. I actually enjoyed it although more as an experience than because of the actual music. I couldn't make out any of the words. Jesus, listen to me. I am so middle aged. Anyway the point was it was good fun and it was good to be out and about.

Other unusual things have been happening chez byrne. If you look back to the last post you'll see some stubby little shoots in a green bucket. A week later it resembles this:

It's all gone a bit triffid. They are very pretty though.

Knitwise there has just been more of the usual going on so nothing much to tell. The lace style cardi has both fronts and almost a whole sleeve. Rob's ribbed jumper crawls along as usual. The blue socks remain in progress. But something I did do that I'm rather proud of is this:

It's a button I made using a clover button kit. The letters round the outside spell 'Louise'.

It's gone to the daughter of a friend of mine who has had a really awful experience and I wanted to do something to cheer her up. I know it's not much but I hope it made her smile.

Final bit of news is that I am now officially going cold turkey. The pill cut down has been going on since last autumn but today I stopped taking the final fluoxetine. So far I just feel tired and have had a nap already. By tomorrow I'll be forgetful and finding it hard to concentrate. Hopefully within a week it'll start wearing off but it could be an odd month as I could end up with sleep disruption and get crabby in true charlie brown style.

Brrr, just started raining and is brass monkeys outside. Proper knitting weather. And napping of course.

I tried to drown my troubles but I couldn't persuade Pooch to go swimming

A woman at work sent a forward round the office yesterday of Peter Kaye one-liners. This was fairly revolutionary - forwards, like spontaneous buying of doughnuts, don't normally happen at our place.

Many thanks for all your good wishes but the but the wheezing has now gone...and been replaced by a kind of gurgling which I can assure you is even sexier. Apart from that and the occasional coughing fit though I'm more or less better. Which meant that I was able to keep a social engagement I had made with myself yesterday evening.

Daddyo was kind enough to get me membership of the V&A for my birthday last year and so off I went to the China Design Now exhibition member's preview last night. That exhibition is one impressive piece of work. I have been to quite a few design exhibitions in my time but this one was really something.

It is split into three rooms representing three cities which have played key roles in the development of design since it was liberated from being just state controlled propoganda type stuff in the 70s. Th first room was mainly graphic design but also featured some clothing and these little fellas.

They are actually about a metre tall and cute and yet menacing at the same time to see for real.

Some of the posters were amazing but the ones that particularly caught my eye were those that played with the chinese charactors, fonts, alphabets and meanings. Posters representing the 60th anniversary of hiroshima had the character for hiroshima with key parts missing while still keeping it readable to represent what was lost that day. So moving even without reading mandarin. This on I particularly liked. It is a collaboration between a famous ceramicist and a graphic designer and the character represents 'China'.

There was also a case of these little maquettes decorated by different designers. Couldn't help buying one and planning how to decorate it myself.

The other two rooms were Shangai and Beijing. The Shanghai room was more 'arty' with videos playing and installations. The Beiking room though was truly amazing. I guess it caught me because I'm now surrounded by landscape architects but it was concentrating on the design of the olympic buildings. Wow. You might not like the way the chinese government acts but visually it is going to be an amazing olympics.

So apart from being amazed by chinese design what else have I been doing? Well I had my appraisal at work. "So how am I doing?" I said. She paused...."I thank god every day I see you walk through that door." So that was ok then. Somewhat different from my last appraisal at the IOP which largely centred around two points. 1 - It's all your fault cause you're rubbish, 2 - when are you leaving?

Then there has also been some knitting...

The cardi from the front cover of Lace Style. Using SkipNorth yarn naturally!

And then there is this to report...

This is a bucket of four leaf clover type plants Lou gave me and they all seem to be sprouting! I am terribly excited. But i don't want to get my hopes up as I generally kill off plants.

So today bodes well with my sister over and we're off to get pampered in a minute.

Quit your jibber jabber fool

If Pooch was to be believed Mr T would be popping out of a tank and throwing a snickers bar at me any minute now while telling me to 'quit my jibber jabber' because, as he solemnly proclaimed to me last night, three days is rather a long time to be ill. He seemed to think that there was some malingering going on and I should go into work regardless of whether I was better or not. At 1am I was coughing so badly and for so long that even he, who had taken refuge in the spare room complete with ear plugs, came in to ask me whether I was ok. "I'm fine" I croaked between whoops, "I think you're right - I'm definitely not really that ill. I'll go in tomorrow." I woke up this morning weak as a kipper and with this really sexy new element to my life - I audibly wheeze when breathing - both in and out. Yeah baby, I'm pretty irresistable right now what with the bed hair, sneezing, coughing and definitive fat pants ensemble - designed not only for comfort but also for those speedy sofa to bed transitions. So far today I haven't even done any knitting - that's how kipper like I am.

Anyway, one thing that is keeping body and soul together is the wonderful parcel I got from the Ravelry Discworld Swap. My pal was Judy and she sent me this lovely lot. (There was some chocolate too but in true swap style this didn't make it to the photography stage).

First up is this gorgeous bchunky cotton.

Judy is a bit of a whiz with natural dyeing and assures me the colours came from mushrooms collected locally from near her house in france. Wow.

She made me these lovely stitch markers:

And there were more beady things. A bag of red beads and these rather amazing things.

Knowing my love of buttons, would you take a look at these and guess how happy I was with them?

Aren't they amazing? Definitely another one for the buttony cardigan.

Now before I get to the piece de resistance this was a Discworld swap and wouldn't be complete without a Nanny Ogg recipe for...chocolate and garlic cake!

Hmmmm, maybe, but I can definitely see some of the other chocolate recipes featuring in my near future. Just look at this for a new take on crispy cakes.

Now....take a deep breath (ignore the wheezing and hacking cough it causes) and look at this.

Oh yeah.

Work it baby.

So pretty! Thanks Judy!