Il pleut

Beaucoup or however you spell it. Basically it's wet in london. And it matches my mood because I'm well pissed off. And I am trying to work out whether this is one of those animal, vegetable or mental type annoyances.

It is true that aspects of work are quite trying at the moment and I have a presentation to 1/3 staff this afternoon where most of them are only there for the cake and the rest are worried, confused and therefore not far off irritable themselves. So this is fair reason for being moody. This definitely counts as vegetable.

It is also true that I have 'got the builders in' and other such dumb arse phrases men use for women having periods. This then could be an animal cause.

This brings us to the mental. I have a postcard that says something pithy like 'I used to be sane but the effort drove me mad'. When, dudes, do I get a fricking break from effort? I am now sorely tempted just to go all out there and sit at my desk naked smoking a haddock like a cigar. Or perhaps a little torrets (you know what I mean, I just can't spell it). How about if I just sat here and shrieked 'fuck, shit, bollocks' every 30 seconds. Is that how people who develop these little quirks start out? Are they one day just fed up with the urge not to strangle their fellow tube traveller and so they start taking their tights off on the tube before this develops into a fully fledged naked-haddock-smoker type manifestation? Because, basically, I have to keep telling myself it's just PMT. Now, do 'normal' people have to sit around reminding themselves they're not insane all the time? What if I stopped telling myself this. Would that mean that I then went mad? In which case surely that means I'm mad already and it's actually slightly insane to be pretending not to be.

I was having an early morning conversation with a colleague 2 days ago and he started talking about euthanasia or something and I pointed out I wasn't the best person to ask. He had forgotten my little holiday in the madhouse a couple of years ago and was shocked to hear I was a depressive. "But Alex, " he said. "You are so young and you have so much going for you. There's no reason to be depressed." Is there perhaps anyone in the world who when they think about this thinks that it genuinely helps to say that. When that is said this is what I hear: "But Alex, there's no reason to be depressed. Stop being so self-indulgent and think about all the people in the world who are actually having a bad time. And by the way the fact that you actually are suicidal really underlines that you are sick. Sick. And doomed." But I know he meant well and was trying to cheer me up.

Anyway - no one is to leave any comments about all this. Let's just pretend it didn't happen.

In OTHER news, sane news, the adult surprise jacket is going well. I must have all of about 2 inches on the needles now. I do remember thinking about doubling the yarn and doing it at least DK but no, I've started in 4-ply so I'll finish by god. It is very relaxing to do - all that endless garter stitch, but the yarn is a bit splitty so it does take a little bit of attention to make sure I've got all of it when I go to wrap a stitch.

I got my Magic Yarn Ball yesterday from the swap bot spot. This is basically a ball of wool which has been unwound and then rewound but with lots of cool little things inside. Mine was AWESOME! I have forgotten the camera or you'd have a chance to share. I think I will include a description inside the second edition of PtbC.

Zines still available BUT you MUST MUST MUST send me your postal address. leaving a comment is no good. I need your postal address to post it to. You can email this to me at littlelixieathotmaildotcom and a copy will be in your postbox a few days later.

I have to end there as I have to go and set up for this dumbarse presentation. Still no internet at home so no more from me for this week. Have a good one peeps.