So what happened is...

I fired, let's call him Git, last Tuesday after he kept missing deadlines, pushing work onto another person and coming in late all the time. He immediately played the 'but I have a baby' card (Yes, he does have a baby - 4 months old, very cute, and the reason Git has been given umpteen warnings and wasn't fired 6 months ago) and officially appealed, adding in that I was extremely agressive towards him and bullied him all the time. The appeal interview was this morning and the decision was upheld BUT....can you believe this.....they gave him two months money as a goodbye present *even though he was fired for being rubbish*. Those babies huh? They can really add to your income. So Git gets the money, I get the hassle with everyone internally hating me for being practically a baby-murderer and now I have to recruit someone else while doing both his job and mine and my other staff member's who is off on sick leave til end sept (absolutely not stress related fnah fnah - her only comment when I rang to tell her was "yeah, well I'm not surprised").

Or so I thought. There I was, chatting to my mentor, minding my own business, when he offered me a job. Working for him so same company but completely different stuff (no more bloody chartered status) and....wait for it....no staff. No one to worry about. No one to do appraisals for. No one to have to tell off or, worse, sack for being crap. I get half a PA but she's his responsibility. I'd also 'have' to do an MBA while I was working which they would pay for. What a tough break huh? Although actually that could cut into my knitting or, even worse, blogging time.

Sooooo......how d'you like them apples?

It's so lovely of you - people have been emailing me and commenting all day to see if everything has worked out OK and frankly I'm still pissed off about Git but the thought of being able to up sticks and leave the drudgery of my last 5 years life work behind is a real thrill.

Knitting wise - apologies, not much to report. Off to the golders green group tonight so am sure will have loads to post about tomorrow. Pooch did finally get home (god knows how, I don't think he could see that well) all pleased with himself because his colleagues think he's a genius or something - him keeping me awake for ages telling me repeatedly what happened has all been banked and will be kept for another time. I showed him the swatches I'd done this morning and apparently the colour is all wrong. But wait, you're thinking, didn't he choose it himself? Yes....that's my boy! I've now got 150g of alpaca 4-ply in a gorgeous red. Any ideas on what to do with it? Maybe luxury socks or is that just wasteful? He's going to take me to liberty to buy some 'the right colour' and maybe one or two other things......fnah fnah

Buggery fuck

Spent most the evening swatching and drawing up a pattern for my secret project. Then spent ages threading about 150 beads onto my yarn. Now I've done the first three rows, realised I've written the pattern wrong, and noticed all the beads are on in the wrong order. Note to self - never try to knit with beads of more than one colour. Bloody pissed off now.

Have done two swatches for pooch's life aquatic hat - the alpaca arrived today and is very nice - good work Texere. But......Pooch isn't even here. He decided last minute to stay out to watch the football. Leaving his pmtense girlfriend behind.....with no chocolate. Pooch is in trouble.

The only good thing about today was my temari book turned up along with 'spinning designer yarns'. Tomorrow is d-day. Pants.

Aran madness?

Am I mad (madder than usual)? I have expressed a desire to knit an aran jumper for dad 2 for xmas and, as every knitter knows, one can not embark on a new self-designed project without buying at least one new stitch dictionary. This one is excellent - all the stitches are indexed according to how many row repeats they occur over. Was pouring over it last night and knitted the final tension swatch on my denise needles. But am I aiming too high? It's going to be quite a piece of work and I find cabling very boring. Basically we both know this is a project doomed to piss me off but.....but..... he will really like it and then I can tick "Aran jumper" off my 'what I need to knit before I die' list.

In other news the alpaca from texere still hasn't arrived which is a bit boring. Have half a mind to knit Pooch this hat rather than the more boring one he wants.

There has been a really nasty spat going on on the UKHK list. Dawn has been really rude to colin - I hate that kind of thing. It's supposed to be a list for people to share their love of a craft. Makes me angry when people spoil it.

1-day til zero hour at work. By tomorrow lunchtime the nastiness which has been ruining my sleep for the last week should be resolved and I'll finally be able to explain what has been going on. I hope I'm not kidding myself as I know the staff gossip will continue but at least I'll be able to draw a line.

;p

Had a lovely day with tess, les from silkwood and nic and two bunnies. They all had a stand at syon park (which is very lovely - I want to go back for a proper look another time). Here it is:

And I know what you're thinking..."Who is that fine figure of a man on the right with the crochet hook?" Well down ladies, he is firmly married to tess but that is les, in full charm mode. Here he is in all his glory:

Note the braces. I love those braces. Les is a self-taught crocheter-extraudinaire and had just finished a second shawl in an angora mix from their own rabbits. So soft and delicate (the shawl) - only 80g for the whole thing. I know he won't like this but I have to admit that while he is everything a woman could possibly desire in a man (stash-friendly, a wood turner so good for needles and peg looms, plus positively disposed towards cats) I long to add him to my collection of dads. You see I have two (so far). Dad A (Chris) who is the biological specimin reads this blog occasionally so obviously he is lovely, wonderful etc etc....he is quite good though. He is business-dad, golf-dad and legal-dad. He also had the good sense to spawn my half-sister and brother, Freddie and Piers. It was Freddie's 17th birthday yesterday but I digress....Dad B (Rob) is gentle-dad, practical-dad and happy-as-long-as-you're-happy-dad. So what role could possibly be left for a Dad C? Well, there is an opening for fibre-dad. Neither of the current two can (to my knowledge) knit, crochet, spin etc etc and wouldn't know angora from merino. And as I seem to collect dads it seems too good an opp to pass up. I need to consult tess to see if she would mind. Ironically I've seen more of les this year so far than of A and I'm getting near to number of days spent with B too. You see that's why I need so many...

Anyway, back to the good stuff, what did I actually do while I was there?

Oh yeah baby. I knitted away and kept laughing when person after person said "Couldn't you find any smaller ones?" fnah fnah...! I thought they were great fun and they weren't hard at all. All the weight is on the floor and of course it all knits up quickly. One woman had a go and tried to hold them continental style. Persuaded her leaving them on the floor is best. Although they are massively long they are (only?) 23mm and I've got some 20mm in the other room. IOf you see some at a show I recommend giving them a try though as they are fun.

So what did I buy...you really want to know....one hair slide. HOW RESTRAINED?! There wasn't much that I fancied but there were some little porcelin earrings like delicate flowers - orchids and roses. But then i thought to myself..."Byrne, £11 not spent on earrings is £11 more towards your spinning wheel." Now I just have to remember to put the £11 somewhere so I don't spend it on cake. I also bought a homemade pie which we had for dinner which was very nice. And Pooch has a new favourite hairdo for me too!


Some people might have thought that after all that I'd be ready to put the byrne feet up and snooze a bit. But no. I made a dive for my handspun which is now all dry and 'set'. Think I have ruined the silk by boiling it when the koolaid was sinking in but it still feels nice even if it's not lustrous. I like the colour too. The other is the blue faced leicester, camel and yak. I'm keeping that on one side til I've got enough for a scarf. Will be so soft and warm!

This was it yesterday so it's a bit of a spot the difference. Now you know me, by now, so you know that I'm not one to stick too closely to a pattern and hey if it feels good go with it. So I have started a middle band.

I'm not sure whether you are supposed to cross the threads like that in real temari so this might have to go down as a bit of a hybrid. I will know once my book arrives, and I must email Liz and ask her. I just think they're so attractive! But I have to slow down on my new-craft acquisition. I almost considered a weaving course today. Woah, that's just crazy talk.

So 'life' continues tomorrow with work work work. If only every day could be working with beautiful things. I live for the weekend!

Raspberries and cream

If I was to tell you that this was merely one of the good things that happened to me today you'd guess I'd had a pretty good time. And you'd be wrong because i had a fricking great time.

But wait. One has to approach these things in a logicial manner, plus provide something of a build up. I got the new rowan mag the other day and there were one or two things that caught my eye.


Yes, I know it's pompoms. But there's just something about it that makes me laugh! There were loads more like all the flower corsages and the button gloves and several jumpers. So a pom pom maker is obviously the next thing to be purchased.


Yesterday night I spun this silk and so naturally when I got up at 8am this morning the first thing I thought was 'I must boil some water and dye that with koolaid.' So that is what I did. I put the skein in the boiling water first then sprinkled the powder over the hank putting lots more on one side of the pan than the other.

It is now drying so I'll post a pic once it's done. So having done that you'd think I would sit back and have some breakfast. Maybe catch up on some reading. But no. I got out the old ball winder and wound up the silk tess gave me. Then I sat there and looked at it for a while. Come, join me in a moment's reflection.

My reasoning went thus - this is beautiful and so needs to be seen. It won't take much of a beating to ruin it. There's not enough to make a top out of. It's too floppy for a flower brooch. I know, I'll make a chain necklace like the scarf on the front of loop-d-loop. So here we are.

It is still a wip but I'm planning to finish it off for syon park tomorrow.

So then I was in waterbeach visiting Liz from Bradford fame. She's a dude. Her house is wonderful and frankly, I want it. Plus there were two cats. One was pedigree and could obviously tell with one flick of her tail that I was below her so hopped it. The other was nuts, but in a good way. So affectionate! I got some quality stroking in. Here she is

She is actually even prettier in real life. But I wasn't just there to be fed amazing food (this is where the raspberry meringues and cream come into things, following a gorgeous home-made quiche. Liz was teaching me the art of temari ball making. So off we went. I'm not going to go into all the steps because although it all went pretty smoothly it is rather involved. Not something for the train unless it was a very smooth journey. Suffice to say this is what we were aiming for.

This is the sputnik stage as Liz described it. All the pins are measured out and there are metallic ley-line type threads secured to it. I really enjoyed choosing all the colours and the best part is that there is huge stash potential without getting a huge stash as all the embroidery floss packs away quite small. Not that we didn't make quite a mess.

Amazingly the cats don't chase the threads at all and the cute one (pictured here - not really bringing out the great size of the fluffy wonder) left all the apparatus alone while making the odd attempt at scaling my lap. I really love cats. This one was an excellent cat too.

Anyway. Here is what I had done by the end of the afternoon....

Am I pleased with it? Are you joking? It's awesome! Even though I say so myself. And when I say that I'm talking about the whole temari genre rather than my little first attempt. I can see these making beautiful xmas tree decorations for mum and rob among others. 'The Temari book' is snug on my amazon wishlist.

I am so lucky with the people I have met online. I am off to syon park tomorrow to see tess, les and nik, all met through blogging. Oh my god, how could I have forgotten the big news though?

Pooch has agreed to the spinning wheel

Yeah baby. Pooch - I know you'll read this. You're really very lovely. xx

I spin you spin we all spin together

Could spinning be the new knitting for me? Have spent all evening hunched up in a chair using the drop spindle. Now you see pooch, this wouldn't happen if you let me get a wheel. And don't think I haven't noticed it's 11pm and you're out on the raz. I'll be banking that one.

No pics as can't locate camera but have set the twist on a load of blue faced leicester, camel and yak I have spun and done 20g of silk which I intend to get at with the koolaid tomorrow. Green maybe?

Have printed instructions for doing two socks at the same time on two circulars so may give that a whirl too. So busy, so much to do, so little time!

Mega poo, mega yay

I do seem a bit weird with my juxtaposed moods at the moment. The mega poo bit I *still* can't talk about but it got a whole lot worse today before I was reassured by those in the know but am still nervous.

What cheered me up was seeing this photo again that Les took of me in their garden with 2 of their lovely cats on Monday. Can't believe that was only three days ago. (For those who like to be able to count there cats there is one on the ground and one sitting in the basket of orangey pink wool on the right.)

The golders green group last night was very nice. Two new people came along and Liz was on good form. There was a lot of dpn discussion. Guys - stop kidding yourselves about the whole dpn thing - THEY ARE EVILLLLLLLLLL.

Was working on the dreamcatcher cardi last night and have got about a 1/4 of the way up the circle. Going to do a load more of it tonight while watching a nice Morse with my Pooch.

Sleep well everyone x

Smell that sheep

First off - Pooch is lovely. Not just because he washes up....

It turns out the stuff going on at work will take another week before it is properly concluded but Pooch has been lovely about it.

I 'set the twist' in the wool I spun yesterday as soon as I got home. Here it is:

Elegantly hanging off the balcony with half full water bottle as weights. I NEED A SPINNING WHEEL. Pooch - I know you're reading - take pity on me dude. If I hadn't had such a great day yesterday I would have cracked today - really helped me get through it.

Not in the mood to write much so just a quick update on the cardi from loop-d-loop. Am just up to the bit where the circle starts.


And last but definitely not least Becky sent me gorgeoous sequins that say 'love' on them for knitting into things accompanied byt the most fabulous card. Can you see it in that picture? It is all balls of red wool and it is *fabulous* - thanks so much.


Am suddenly knackered. And need to stop blogging and start knitting!

Woo hoo for cats, rabbits, tess, les and Nik!

What a wonderful day! I know I'm going to forget something so let's just bang up the pictures and let them speak for themselves...




Yeah baby - cats. There were 8 all together and it was absolutely like cats to the left of me, cats to the right of me, cats all over me, and I loved it. I love cats. I was never less than a metre from a cat for the whole day. And then there were rabbits - loadsarabbits. They were so cute - I never knew andora rabbits have fluffy ear tips. There are pictures of them on Silkwood's blog so you can enjoy them there and see all the gorgeous colours they dye in (that Tess dyes their trimmed fur in, not what colour they go when they pop off).

Calming down slightly and remembering that there were actual humans there: Tess and Les are such wonderful people. They made me feel so at home and gave me free run and I got to spend hours spinning on one of their wheels (that's right, 'one of' - there were many many wheels). Les was awesome teaching me all sorts of new techniques. He showed me Navojo weaving which is woo ha another craft to get into to put on my list. And explained peg looms. And he kept sorting out the spinning wheel for me when I botched it. And he was wearing those funky braces withe the measurements and tools on. Really should have caught them on film for posterity. And tess - she was great - so easygoing and so knowledgable about all sorts of stuff. I hope Pooch and I (if we make it that far) end up like that. So comfortable with each other but not resigned to anything and understanding each other but also still fighting your own corner. AND....no hassles about the stash. And dude, talk about stash.

Nik was there too and was on good form. She was spinning inspired by the pluckyfluff book. But her yarn was absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait to see it knitted up. I managed to spin maybe 50g (?) of merino with the odd wendsleydale bit thrown in. I need to 'set-the-spin' by immersing it in hot water and then leaving it to dry under tension. I think it's supposed to be hot tomorrow so I might do this in the morning and leave it to dry from the railings outside the window during the day. Tess also gave me some gorgeous silk in colourway 'carnival' (you can see it on their blog) which is just absolutely completely and utterly gorgeous. It really was an excellent day although all I contributed was flowers....

.....because finally I had a go at one of the flower badges I was thinking about after seeing some at Loop. I think I might follow Nik's suggestion and start another blog with the pattern and so on on so that people can post their pics of theirs when they are done. Suffice to say this is what my first attempt looks like:

I made another in a huge thick/thin wool while I was there and tess had done a more demure one in some blue/green 4-ply (the same colour and weight as the stuff I got from the yarn house) and when you put the smaller one inside the larger it looked pretty cool. Loads of room for mucking about there! And they are so quick to do. Anyway, enough babbling. I'll post the blog address here when I get round to it.

Any other news? Well, hum...things look set to kick off tomorrow at work. It's been occupying my mind but should all be settled by this time tomorrow. I am re-energised (again!) to try my hand at more machine knitting and to do some navajo weaving and to start the 'spinning-wheel-for-byrne' campaign aimed at Pooch.

SUCH a great day!

Q&A

I've had some questions from commenters recently and haven't answered them so inspired by Crazy Aunt Purl (the definitive blogger) and to fill some space here goes....

1. tabbytuxedo said...I don't think I've seen your knitting badges... What do they look like?

Well tabbytuxedo, the time is at hand because I have put some on ebay (OK, this is a shameless plug but what the hell.) My seller thing can be seen here. There is some yarn up there too. Bid away buddies.

Right, so that's that done. Yes, the selfish motivation for this post was wonga but then I just got turned down for *another* loan so I need to start this business somehow.

Have started the dreamcatcher cardigan from loop-d-loop with my trusty denises just as I planned (I love it when a plan comes together) and have - you'd never guess - been watching a couple more episodes from my A-team dvd. Don't you just love the A-team? Especially Face of course. Anyway, denises are lovely and mean that I no longer make the granny-click-click noise when I pound away on them. Have done about 2 inches of 1x1 rib. I hate 1x1 rib but it's got to be done. At least this is it out of the way.

Was checking out my stitch dictionary for aran stuff to use on Rob's jumper (have gone off that cycling aran pattern) and came across the one for some kind of hem where you knit a bit and then do a row of (yo k2tog) then knit a bit more and fold the two sides over to meet. This is what the flower badges were when I saw them at Loop. So...well...I deserve a little break from the rib don't I? I might just go and whip up another wip. Now I've got my denises it's not like I'm short of needles.... so no pictures this time but more coming soon.

"Bow down before me for I am your god"

That is exactly what these needles seem to be saying to me.

For yes, it is true, I, lixieknitsit, have now got denise interchangables in my possession. And they are just sooooooo good. Am going to get going on them tomorrow because tonight, of course, is poker. Texas hold'em to be exact and I am planning on whipping their ass's tonight.

Anyway, lots to show and tell today. As well as the needles in the post along came this wonderful book: jean moss sculptured knits. Does it live up to expectations? Well, kind of. The jacket on the cover is divine and will one day be gracing my bulgy form. The other patterns vary between genius and basket stitch but there enough of the former there to make me happy I bought it.

One more thing that didn't arrive in the post but did arrive today is these egg cups (two of them in fact) which are a present from Vishanti. She works for me but is also going out long-term with Pooch's mate Alex (not me - he is a different alex and male) because I set them up within about 2 weeks of her starting here. It's weird really because I only set them up because they were both single and mopey and here they are talking about kids (she wanted to scare him a bit last night!) and being all loved up. Mind you they are both 29 so definitely getting on a bit ;p

The gift (so lovely of her - she knows I love polka dots) came at a good time as there is trouble brewing at work. Apart from the industry manager absolutely loathing me and suspecting me of wanting to take over his dept (why?) there was someone fired today and that won't be the last of it although I won't put more just in case the other person suddenly make a life choice and start reading knitting blogs all of a sudden. I will post more on tuesday night. I had my appraisal today and John was really ppsitive about everything. When I asked what the catch was he constructively told me that people management was the weakest of my many skills which I found myself waiting for me to react badly too but instead I was just like 'oh, yeah, you're actually really right'. I am not a good manager. I mean, I get the work done and I keep them in order but as soon as one kicks off I am a bit lost. All this yucky caring stuff I got saddled with. I used to think having staff was the be all and end all and really meant you had arrived but now I couldn't care less. Project Management - that's for me - none of this people malarky.

There is a space on the form where you are supposed to put down future career aspirations and last time (in oct) I put down 'running an art collective'. This time I wanted John to put 'spinner' and he wouldn't! How do you say 'spinner' in management speak? 'Twisted fibre provider'? In the end we agreed on 'Alex is currently researching different opportunities'.

Anyway, back to real life...here is the finsihed bag. Now ask me (go on I dare you) whether I'm happy with it and I'm going to pause. The thing is it felted so damn much that all the original character of the yarn has gone. So bunging on some unfelted i-cord, even in the same yarn, looks a bit odd. I guess I'll suck it and see but hmmmm, I might take it off again.

I did that last night after I had finished.....SORTING THE HUGE AMOUNT OF BUTTONS JANE GAVE ME. Sooooo many buttons. Look at this.

Have you ever seen so many lovely buttons in your life? Jane just suddenly did the rabbit out of the hat thing with her bag on wednesday night and there they were, plus she says taking this lot hasn't even made a dent in her collection. Wow. Jane is a goddess among button worshipers. Aren't they just fab? If I do take off the i-cord I can feel another button plague descending on that bag!

So what else is going on? Well my dad and aunt have started reading this blog which is mildly freaky but fair enough. My aunt has renewed the invite to visit them in Wheaton (near Chicago) and I'd really love to but of course Pooch never will. I might go by myself next summer - or could see if Dad fancies another jaunt across the pond. I think this time I would have to save up hugely and combine it with a trip to NY to check out these amazing yarn stores I have heard so much about. Plus visit one of their funky (grass is always greener) knit groups that are rumoured to have, can it be true, *men* in them.

Plus I have decided to start selling my little knitting badges. I'm going to change the design just slightly though to make them more sensible. £2 each - what do you think? Too much? Will ponder over the weekend.

Hobbycraft haul

I love hobbycraft. I want that place to be my spare room and guests can sleep between the aisles. There's just so much good stuff. So here is a taster of what I went for:

So first up is fimo, obviously flavour of the month. Red sparkly and two called 'stone effect' which I thought looked quite tweedy plus some modelling tools.

More jewellery findings with which to expand my fimo repetoire. Plus some little marcasite beads. I'm thinking of rejigging the stitch marker side of things and start selling them again, even though so many others seem to have had the same idea....

Now this last one is a bit of a mish mash. Some blank cards as I have a cunning plan which I may remember to unveil at some point in the future. The heart cupcake cases just because they are so strawberry shortcake and twee and then the hearts on a strand of wire. Now it was Nickerjac that gave me this idea by incorporating a kind of tinsel into the edge of her edgy exchange gift. It basically makes the brim a bit more robust and you get to use funky stuff like hearts on wire to do it.

I have been tagged by purlpower so here goes...
id·i·o·syn·cra·sy
Pronunciation Keyn. pl. id·i·o·syn·cra·sies
A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.

Write down five of your own personal idiosyncracies. Then, if you wish, tag five people from your friendslist to do the same.

1. I regularly eat in the bath. In order to accomplish this with minimum inconvinience I have developed a system of using a tupperware tub of suitable size to hold the food and this floats around keeping my food dry and my bath food-free. The size is very important - it must be small enough to not look greedy and large enough to maintain some stability following the motion of a random body part.

2. Whenever I see a cat I stop mid-action/sentance and say 'Oo look there's a cat' and immediately leave whoevere I am talking to to go and stroke it. It will normallly run away when I get near it so I will then spend a lot of time following this initial approach following it as it tries to make friends with someone who hates cats.

3. I have to be in the right mood to see a film and I can be quite hysterical about this. This doesn't mean I have to be happy to see a happy film or anything like that - nothing so logical. It just has to feel right. I have never seen Titanic because it has always felt just oh so wrong.

4. I can not tell left from right without thinking about it for a second or two. This was an issue when learning to drive.

5. I feel more comfortable working in a cluttered area. Not a small area - just all mucked up. I basically like to have things where I can see them. My work desk is an ever changing sea of (currently) paper, a christmas party hat from 2004 with a big feather in it (I just took it off), some professional headphones, wires, business cards and a selection of red and black notebooks and writing implements. My sitting room floor (much to Pooch's distress) has things in discrete piles with no particular order to what is in each pile. And the bedroom has what Pooch has lovingly named 'byrne mountain' at the end of the bed.

On the subject of Pooch (who is another of my idiosyncrasies) he and I had a good talk this morning and are set to continue tonight. We have resolved to.....resolve a lot of things. All those people who have commented and emailed me privately about men and life in general - thank you so much. It has helped me see that no one is perfect and to appreciate the things in life that he is good at (hubba hubba) and the ways we do get on together and support each other. He's not so bad really, just don't quote me on that.

Soooo...hmmmmm...who shall I tag.......

3 things

1. Thanks everyone - commenters and private emailers. Still feel awful today but life carries on.






























2. Secret Pal - you are amazing. This is the yarn she has sent me. 50% cotton and acrylic. So soft and the colours are even nicer than they seem here. Then a beautiful mug with sheep on (baa!) plus marzipan chocolate which I've managed not to eat long enough to photograph and a tin on a keyring that says "Very Important Stuff" on it.

3. This is the picture of a temari ball I particularly loved when I found it before. Isn't it lovely? Got my weekends mixed up - is the 6th I go and meet Liz hich means she didn't get rained on this weekend (she'll get rained on next weekend instead - fingers crossed you won't)


Have experimented with blogger's own photo hosting thing and seems to be working quite well. Just a short post now as wanted to show everyone my SP presents before I ate them!



One last thing...a quote I saw on a yahoo list...
"I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the friends I have."

Tired, emotional outpouring

Obviously Pooch and I have had another little disagreement. I realise this is one of those things I'm going to put up here and then probably take down again almost instantly becaus it is foolish to wash your dirties in public but what the fuck. It helps to have it written down.

We went to an open-house tonight. I don't remember now if I've mentioned it before but Gav's dad died in the edgware road train. I haven't been talking or thinking about it much because I've been trying to cocoon myself from stress because of the madness. The open-house was an opportunity for friends and family to come round and support each other. When we got there there was a kind of service going on lead by a jewish guy and he was reading some bits in hebrew and talking about colin and then Gav read something and Colin's best mate talked about him ans all this. I found myself starting to cry and sniff fairly early on and wanted to just lie down and bawl. Since the meds increased I'd have thought my emotions would have been deader than ever but the opposite seems to be true. After a while pooch hugged me and told me he'd look after me.

I spent most of the rest of the night in the garden stroking the cat. The topics of where we'll move to next and holidays both came up and they are real flamers for Pooch (and me I guess) so were quashed. We got the tube home and were walking back when Pooch started talking about Charlie and the chocolate factory and how they'd added a cutesy ending. Man, this is so dumb and petty. Anyway, I don't see the problem when people change books for films as they are books, not screenplays. You pay your money, you make your choice. Pooch had given his opinion, I had replied, he spoke again and then after three words of my reply he cut me off and said we'd better stop talking about it - another flamer obviously. I thought about what Dr P had said about avoiding stress but then also thought about what the bbc brain programme said about men often just not realising when people are upset so I vocalised my feelings very calmly. I realise I had expectations of Pooch's reaction to me telling him how I was feeling and that part of my increase in agitation was the fact he didn't meet those expectations. I wanted Pooch to recognise that I was upset, am still depressed and had felt his conversation stopper was patronising and unhelpful. I didn't get that. And then I went against what Dr P had advised and summarised the situation as 'Our whole relationship is a series of conflicts' to which he replied 'maybe you'd be better with someone else then'. I know - I set myself up for that one.

I went for a walk after that and phoned the samaritans *again*. It's ridiculous I don't programme the number into my phone for speedy dialling seeing how they are the ones I've spoken to most out of all friends, family, colleagues and medical professionals in the last couple of weeks. 08457 909090 in case anyone needs it. I spoke to them for 10 mins and realised I was exacerbating the situation by being out without telling Pooch where I was going or how long I'd be. I thought he might be waiting up worried as he knows I've been suicidal recently. I got back and he was in bed, asleep. I woke him when I got in and he got annoyed about me putting the hall light on. I'm in the front room now where I'll sleep tonight when I feel tired.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? The way I look at it he has a suicidal girlfriend who has been upset and crying and then walks off into the night following an argument. And he goes to sleep. When I was going out with Steve a similar thing happened once. We were on our way back from the cinema and we fell out - I was very depressed then too but not officially as I hadn't been to the doc to have it made official and to get meds. I stayed on a park bench thinking and smoking a fag for about 30 mins. By the time I got back he had been out running around looking for me and was just picking up the phone to call the police.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't walk away in order to make Pooch worry about me. And it was only when the samaritan talked to me about how Pooch was feeling that I realised he might be worried and came straight back. I was gone maybe 20 minutes. But in that time he'd brsuhed his teeth and verything and fallen asleep.

Pooch and I only had a drama about him not supporting me earlier on in the week so I thought he understood that things weren't even at the moment. Especially after this evening at gav's. Poor Gav. Isn't it dumb to be depressed and concerned about my relationship when he has just lost his dad because some terrorists blew up that particular carriage? Looking around tonight I was feeling for gav but I was also wondering what would happen if I died. Would my friends and family stand around talking about how great I was? What would they say I had achieved? Apart from the fact my family hate each other and my friends are in such discrete groups they would have no shared memories. Basically, dude, I should have been in that carriage and Gav's dad - who seems to have been a really nice guy, should have been at home stroking his own damn cat. The cat, incidentally, is called 'chocolate'. My family could have mourned me as a victim rather than a selfish suicider but...another day and no mysterious brain aneurism strikes me down. The jewish guy was talking about god quite a lot. How can there be a god? People say it is all part of 'his' divine plan but what kind of plan involves starvation, torture, genocide and innocent death? I tried hard to 'find' god when I went into hospital but there is nothing there to find. The whole thing is a joke to make you feel less responsible for the nuts things that go on. Perhaps suicide is an obvious way to take responsibility for yourself.

But then...as Dr P would query, I do feel 'safe' tonight. Nothing is going to change and tomorrow I will wake up again in the knowledge that another night has passed without me dying in my sleep and that all the shit from today still needs to be dealt with. I feel like I should end with some upbeat jokey piece of haha about knitting but I can't think of anything. Nothing at all.

Shane Warne - has he finally got his hair right?

I think it has always been his hair that has let him down in the past. Pooch (who is lovely) has taken a perverse liking to watching cricket and so I have had some opportunity to observe the warne bonce of late and I like the hair for the first time. Enough about hair...although feel free to pick up on my bleh hair in later pics. Because today we are in picture central - I've got no less than 6 of the buggers to show you. Oh yes. To kick off we have the 2nd charity jumper complete with buttons. I'm not sure if eye lash yarn has reached the sub-sahara yet but it will do shortly (they asked people to make them as attractive as possible). These are for the feed the children appeal featured in simply knitting a month or so back.

In fact let's get this stuff out the way early - here's a bit of housekeeping. I was wondering what would happen to the fabric marker ink I used on the cotton when playing with sock yarn and basically it has washed at 40 degrees unscathed. Always good to know.

You can see here why it looked all patchy like this in the first place.

Second (or third maybe, depending on where you started counting) bit of housekeeping is the progress of Brown's xmas scarf. I started this at golders green and it looked nothing like this.

I decided the tenson was too tight, it wasn't wide enough and I didn't like the pattern I was using. So just a couple of minor niggles there. Ripped it and am going basket stitch on 7mm instead (recommended was 5.5-6.5). Has made a lot of difference and it might be boring to knit but at least it's simple and he'll like it.

So for the good stuff....allow me to introduce you to the i-believe-i-can-fly-cardigan. Made in the finest sari silk from the gorgeous Trudie at hipknits and finally sewn up this afternoon.

Here is a sultry side angle...

I know what you're thinking and yes, I shined my forehead especially for that photo. It's fabulous to wear, all slinky yet heavy and cold yet warm and smooth yet textured. Despite all these oxymorons (thank you gcse english teacher for teaching me that word - it stays with me even though your name has long gone) it is shedding like it's going out of fashion. Ideas on how to stop this? I have asked the UKHK list and I'll see what they come up with.

So another productively creative weekend. Next weekend holds Temari balls with Liz (hope she was OK at her festival this weekend - has been raining all day today) and...aha...my denise needles should arrive in the next few days so I can get started on the medallion loop-d-loop cardi in the drunk-yarn pooch bought me. Some of you will be wondering how I got Pooch to give in and pay out. Basically it is all down to Dr P and his wonderful advice, given to me on the day of the drunk-yarn. "Do not get annoyed Alex" he said "Put it in the bank and save it for when there's something you need or want." Dr P - you are a god among men. I think I have probably said this before but it's just so true. So during a further discussion while I was in the bath I played my trump card..."Stop going on about needles" says Pooch "Do you remember when I didn't go on about you not going to salsa?" I sploshed back. Ladies, I'm telling you, this is the way to go. Yes, it could be called a form of prostitution but hey I now own denise needles and didn't have to exert myself in any of the ways Pooch was suggesting I persuade him to buy them. And yes, I could have just bought them myself - but where's the fun in that?

Went to see the fantastic four last night and it was just my cup of tea - ridiculous action with loads of effects. Jessica Alba is ultra sexy. Captain fantastic is this fit welsh guy who's got the most chiseled cheekbone/chin combination ever and the baddie was just SO evil. He was excellent. Would recommend it as a good, fun film.

Quiz mania

But what does this mean?

You appear to be a Knitting Guru. You love knitting
and do it all the time. While finishing a piece
is the plan, you still love the process, and
can't imagine a day going by without giving
some time to your yarn. Packing for vacation
involves leaving ample space for the stash and
supplies. It can be hard to tell where the yarn
ends and you begin.
http://marniemaclean.com


What Kind of Knitter Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This one was a given

You're Miss Marple! You look harmless enough, but
beneath your blue rinse and cardigan lurks an
intellect superior to any Chief Inspector. You
solve your cases by making everyone think that
you're senile and then hoisting them with their
own petard! Aha! You're also a good knitter.


Which fictional detective are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love Miss Marple.

Show me the fimo *long post alert*

Well ratfans, you've been very patient with me and I aim to please so without further ado let me introduce you to....a sea of badges.


The three at the front have little rings in them so I going to ponder necklace pendants and dangly earrings. The red and white one front right is a ring! All for me!

Here is a close up of one of the colours.

This is green, purple and pink which might seem nuts but is a homage to Pixeldiva's clapotis. Actually in that picture the colours don't look the same as I remember from Wed when I saw it 'in the fibre' but this is my interpretation of them. Plus check out me using the word fibre there. Subtle, huh?

OK, before I continue I want to appeal to the ladies out there reading this. Over the last 18 months I've gone from a 10/12 to an 8/10 to a 14 to a 12 and am back at 14. The madness, you understand. During that time my tummy has grown slightly more and slightly less tubby *but* it has consistently remained proportionally fatter on the left (my left as I look down). Now, is this normal? Do tummy's increase disproportionately? Is there any other body part I should be looking out for?

In other news, not that much is more newsworthy than my stomach, I HAVE FINISHED THE CURSED CLAPOTIS woooooooo haaaaaaaa! Take that clapotis, I am unstoppable! I took a pic of me holding it up to show that it's longer than I am tall and then did a spot fat-under-the-chin-check (OK, double chin, yes) so decided to cut out the bit with my chin.

You've still got a thigh there so can probably extrapolate the chin(s) from that.

Just to give it a little bit of 'zing' I have sewn one of my labels into one end so that no one is in any doubt as to who is the daddy. Aren't they adorable? From mini labels


You may have thought I was mistaken using the parent gender 'daddy' rather than 'mummy', but you would be wrong. Who's done that bbc-what-sex-is-your-brain-test? This isn't one of those 'answer 8 questions and we'll give you a comedy icon to put on your blog' things. This is the good stuff. And you come out somewhere between 100 woman and 100 male with them both on the same line. The average man is 50 male and the average woman is 50 female. The average Byrne is 50 male. I've got a fricking male brain?! How the frickity frick did that happen? I mean, and I don't wish to sound stereotypical here, I like pink. I adore kittens and fluufy things like gypsy yarn (I do the latter bit in secret mostly though because the rest of the time I pretend to be a yarn snob). I may have committed my recent life to physics, problem solving, lateral thinking, flat shoes and big pants BUT how can I have a male brain? Pooch is now actually scared to do the test in case he comes out less male than me. He says this isn't why he isn't doing it but I reckon that's just feminine coyness.

Also finished the 2nd charity jumper at long last and cast on the 70's brown socks (for the 3rd time - the yarn is bearing up well). Have decided to absolutely definitely buy denise needles on Monday as this also happens to be payday. That is unless Pooch (who is a gorgeous boyfriend, very well-hung and a tiger in the sack as well as being extremely generous) offers to treat me to them.

PS: pooch now shamed into taking the test - he is 50 male too. He had thought when I said I was 50 male I meant I was fifty more male than the average woman, not that I WAS an average male. Is now looking at me funny.