Keeping Track

You guys are awesome. So many lovely comments on my last post and other responses to it. Thanks x

It wasn't until Wednesday night that the anxiety subsided properly. In the meantime I had come across this on Pinterest.

Source: leafcutterdesigns.com via Alex on Pinterest

It is a conceptual knitting pattern from Leafcutter Designs. I am a bit of a sky geek and love cloud watching. It struck me that much the same could be done to keep track of mood as well. This is something that is often advised by therapists since when you are anxious/depressed it's very hard/impossible to remember when you weren't and to stop yourself believing you have always and always will feel like this. Being at the same time a realist (not a great combination with depression) I knew that I was very likely to lose interest in something I was supposed to pick up and knit two lines of each day. This is when I let technology be my guide.

The app I'm using is free and called "TracknShare". You can track anything with any scale. I've chosen a five point scale for both the sky colour and for my mood. If I stick with it for a month I'll look for some suitable yarns.

My love of Pinterest continues unabated. Here are some recent ones.

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

I have also been doing some knitting. Plugging away on the lovely cables of the Pinery Jumper.

I'm down to the waist (it's top down) and enjoying it.

I leave you with this final thought, also from Pinterest.

Source: None via Alex on Pinterest

Why I do not have a cat

This is such an uncomfortable post to write. Yesterday started off as a thrilling day - one when my dream of a decade or more was finally becoming reality. I was going to a cat sanctuary to meet a cat who I was then going to bring home with me. I was so excited. I had assembled all the equipment you might need for an indoor cat. It was all set up.

I went off to the sanctuary and the cat they had for me hated me. It was nothing personal - she hated everyone. I spent a few minutes sitting with her and stroking the other cat in with her and then I held my hand out to her so she could have a sniff. She gouged a chunk out of my finger and drew blood. Then whenever I got closer than a metre to her she hissed and growled. Evina, the sanctuary owner, agreed that she probably wasn't quite ready to be rehoused at the moment. So she took me upstairs and I met a beautiful 3 year old called Cookie. We got on very well. It seemed we were good to go.

She came home with me. She was understandably nervous. I left her to explore and did some knitting and every half an hour or so would make some sort of friendly overture. She responded when I did this and then went back to her 'safe' spot. After a couple of hours she was settled enough to have some food and water and then she got straight on my lap. She was very affectionate and it suddenly struck me that I had taken on responsibility for this little cat. She was now completely dependant on me. I was the one who would be taking care of her and ensuring she came to no harm for the next 10+ years. And that absolutely terrified me.

Somehow I had been thinking about this for years and been planning this adoption for months without this fact becoming clear to me. I had been so utterly stupid. How could I have done this? I didn't feel like I was 100% responsible for myself and I'd taken on another 'person' as well? I tried to calm down. I tried rationalising. I called my Mum. She tried to calm me down and she rationalised. She offered to come up, to take the cat to their house til I was calmer but I knew very definitely that this was not something that would have a short term fix.

Evina had been very clear that the sanctuary never lost touch with any of their cats and that if there was a problem I should call day or night. It was about 5pm so I didn't feel too bad calling her and she was lovely. She was so calm and understanding. She said this had happened before and that it was a situation where it was hard to know how you would feel until it actually happened. She came over and took Cookie away while I tried to hold back my tears.

I'm trying to hold on to the fact that that this isn't "it". Flash is out of the country for work til the end of the month but has said some lovely things by email and text, as have Mum and Evina. Flash said that this wasn't the end of my getting a cat - it just meant that "Cookie wasn't Smackdown". Evina said that Cookie had had a lot of cuddles and affection and a new room to explore and would be going back to the friend she had been sharing a room with at the sanctuary and so would be quite happy. Mum said...lots of Mum type stuff. And I have been telling myself that I couldn't have predicted this, that it is a temporary setback, that it doesn't mean I'm ill or getting worse again.

But...the little voice. Not, you know, a voice, in my head, kind of thing, but the almost sub-concious murmurings we all have that undermine our confidence. At least I assume we all have them. Mine is a kind of town crier. The experience leaves me somewhat humiliated - since I have been going on about getting a cat this weekend to anyone who would listen - but with a little more self-knowledge.

To be honest I feel utterly shit. I wanted a cat so much but it's the wrong time for me. I need to be completely confident in myself before I can take on responsibility for anyone else. Still, I wish I could have discovered that a different way. And now I've got to spend the next few days explaining to everyone what happened.

Top 8's 13 Months On

In September 2010 I did a post on the most popular, most favourited and most queued patterns on Ravelry. Time to do a refresher.

As before, it is the top 8 of each and we will start with....

Most Popular

The place in the previous post is shown in brackets. (-) means it was not listed a year ago. Click here to see the same search for yourself on Ravelry.

1. (1) Ishbel by Ysolda Teague (shawl - £3.75 or as part of a book)
2. (-) Citron by Hilary Smith Callis (shawl - free)
3. (-) Travelling Woman by Liz Abinante (shawl - $6)
4. (8) Turn a Square by Jared Flood (hat - free)
5. (-) Star Cross Slouchy Beret by Natalie Larson (hat - free)
6. (-) Haruni by Emily Ross (shawl - free)
7. (-) Multnomah by Kate Elsa (shawl - free)
8.(-) Baktus Scarf by Strikkelise (scarf - free)

Dropped off the list:

• Baby Surprise Jacket by Elizabeth Zimmermann (baby cardigan)
• Fetching by Cheryl Niamath (gloves)
• February Lady Sweater by Pamela Wynne (cardigan)
• Monkey by Cookie A (socks)
• Calorimetry by Kathryn Schoendorf (head band)
• Clapotis by Kate Gilbert (shawl/scarf)

Any surprises here? Well for a start there are no socks on this list. That shows how the massive sock craze has given over more to shawls and shawlettes. And I should think most knitters have a Clapotis to their name so no suprise that one has passed its peak.


Most Projects

The place in the previous post is shown in brackets. (-) means it was not listed a year ago. Click here to see the same search for yourself on Ravelry.

1. (1) Clapotis by Kate Gilbert (shawl/scarf - free)
2. (2) Fetching by Cheryl Niamath (gloves - free)
3. (3) Baby Surprise Jacket by Elizabeth Zimmermann (baby cardigan - $10)
4. (4) Monkey by Cookie A (socks - listed as $6 but still free on Knitty)
5. (5) Calorimetry by Kathryn Schoendorf (head band - free)
6. (6) February Lady Sweater by Pamela Wynne (cardigan - free)
7. (7) Saartje's Booties by Saartje de Bruijn (baby booties - free)
8. (-) Ishbel by Ysolda Teague (shawl - £3.50)

Dropped off the list = Jaywalker by Grumperina (socks) which was at number 8. It's now at number 12.

Not really surprised that there is only one change here. Clapotis has been knitted (and this is only those that have been logged on Ravelry) 18,640 times and it is going to take a while for anything else to catch up on that. 

Most Favourites

The place in the previous post is shown in brackets. (-) means it was not listed a year ago. Click here to see the same search for yourself on Ravelry.

1. (3) Star Crossed Slouchy Beret by Natalie Larson (hat - free)
2. (1) February Lady Sweater by Pamela Wynne (cardigan - free)
3. (2) Saartje's Booties by Saartje de Bruijn (baby booties  - free)
4. (3) Owls by Kate Davies (Jumper - £3.95)
5. (5) French Press Felted Slippers by Melynda Bernardi (slippers - $7)
6. (-) Susie's Reading Mitts by Janelle Masters (gloves - free)
7. (7) Shalom Cardigan by Meghan McFarlane (cardigan - free)
8. (8) Lace Ribbon Scarf by Veronik Avery (scarf - free)

Dropped off the list = Travelling Woman by Liz Abinante (shawl - free) gone from 6th to 11th place.

Not much to say about this since it all depends on how much individuals like the versions others have knit of the pattern.



NEW - Most Queued

It seemed to make sense to include this as well. No comparison with last year since this is the first time I've done it. Click here to see the same search for yourself on Ravelry.

1. February Lady Sweater by Pamela Wynne (cardigan - free)
2. Star Crossed Slouchy Beret by Natalie Larson (hat - free)
3. Owls by Kate Davies (Jumper - £3.95)
4. Saartje's Booties by Saartje de Bruijn (baby booties  - free)
5. Lace Ribbon Scarf by Veronik Avery (scarf - free)
6. Haruni by Emily Ross (shawl - free)
7. Shalom Cardigan by Meghan McFarlane (cardigan - free)
8. Clapotis by Kate Gilbert (shawl/scarf - free)


I like this list because it shows how people are intending to knit over the coming months. It's also the list with the most free patterns in it. It would be easy to say that this is down to the current economic climate but personally I queue patterns much more impulsively if they're free. Even though there's no commitment when you queue if something is eventually going to cost me I will definitely think twice.


In my last post I commented that there were none of the big names featured. Well since then designers such as Ysolda, Jared Flood and Cookie A have firmly established themselves as those big designers and the influence of people such as Debbie Bliss and Kaffe Fasset has waned as they start to look a little bit dated. Whatever your thoughts about these lists, it's certainly true that Ravelry has become a major driving force. The last year has seen a mainstream article highlighting that Ravelry has done what other social networks dream of doing - met the needs of its target group and stayed as a private 'family' business without commercialising despite now being well over a million users strong.

Hopefully the same will continue to be true in another year's time.

Hospital Club

If you are near Covent Garden in London hotfoot it to the Hospital Club on Endell Street. The fabulously talented Louise Riley is in residence in the window creating a beautiful textile piece.



The glare makes it hard to see but it is AMAZING and there is more inside.



This is just a detail from one of the inside pieces. My photos can't do the original justice.

What Difference Does a Day Make?

When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought about was the wedding I am going to today and how the bride will feel when she wakes up this morning.

It's the first wedding I've been to since my own marriage ended. So I've been lying in bed thinking about my own wedding day and I realised it no longer makes me feel unhappy. There is still sadness and regret and a sense of loss - but things have moved on now. It has made me think again though about why people get married and whether I would ever consider it again.

The couple getting married today have already been together more than ten years and are very good together. I think they'll be very happy.

When I got married it was with a view to providing a stable, secure, legally supported environment within which to have a family. People asked me whether it felt different after marriage and I always said that it was very different because when you had an argument or hit a rough patch it didn't really matter because you were tied to each other and even though you might fall out you knew that it was temporary compared with the strong bond of marriage. It made me feel very safe.

Now that I know better, would I ever get married again? I guess the thing is that I don't need to think about it. My momentous decision yesterday which released the DB Aran lasted all of about 10 minutes when I decided to knit my cabled jumper in a different yarn all together. I still don't want the Sylvi but the outcome of that decision has changed.  

So it only remains for me to wish Steve and Rebecca the very best of luck. I am sure today will be wonderful and I am honoured to be asked to be a part of it.

Clarifications

1. From yesterday's post - Robbie Williams' nob is relevant because I was thinking about what I wanted. I do occasionally want thing non-craft related. Although I could still get creative with Robbie Williams. 
2. From three posts ago - mention of the 'lover' was serious. His name is Flash. He is actually rather lovely. I am rapidly thinking of him as a 'boyfriend' and he will be at the wedding today since it was the groom who introduced us. Persephone left a lovely comment on that post which I really appreciated. She's got her hands more than full at the moment so taking the time to share with me meant a lot.

Holy Mother Funkin Momentous Decision

I had a ticket for Ally Pally today and I'm not there. That is not the momentous decision. My throat infection got the better of me so I'm in my pyjamas eating pic'n'mix - but that's not really relevant.

I was thinking that had I gone I would have had a budget of £50. So now I could spend that online on something knitlike instead. So I started thinking about what I wanted.

I have been meaning to do a cable-heavy cardi for winter for a while and so thought some worsted/aran would be good. But something soft and squishy - not acrylic. I thought of the Debbie Bliss Aran I've had in my stash for several years now but then thought of the Sylvi I'd told myself I was going to make with it. Oh yes, I thought. The Sylvi, I thought.

This is when it happened...

I DO NOT WANT TO KNIT A SYLVI!

Ha! In your face world. Take that. Decision made, yarn released, let the cable pattern hunting commence. WOO HAAA!

Falling into Winter Swap

Sign-ups are open over on Ravelry.

I do love a good swap. This one is UK only which makes it easier on the postage.

Sign ups are open until Saturday 15th.

One year on

Let's play a game. Complete the following sentence "A year ago today I was...."

Well a year ago today I'd just left my husband and started on a course that would leave me as I am now - 2 weeks away from a decree nisi.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it all. I had half expected to be really upset. But then...I'm not sure if time heals all but at least the wounds aren't so raw. Things have been going pretty well recently. Work is ok,  mentally I'm stable, I'm ok financially, there's a cat in my near future, I've just been on a gorgeous holiday, knitting and making in general is all good, my family is well and happy, and, to be honest, I've spent the weekend in the arms of my new lover*.

It's not that I don't wish things had turned out differently. Had things continued to plan I'd have a baby by now and be sitting in a flat I part owned with my husband. And I really did love Pooch so very much. If he hadn't acted as he did...but then I've thought that a lot during the last twelve months and the only response is to point out that he did.

And so looking forward...the cat blanket nears completion ready for the arrival of Smackdown.

I spent this afternoon is the company of the delightful Romford Knitters with the amazingly talented Nickerjac among others. Not content with mastering knitting, crochet, spinning and double fillet crochet to an exquisite level she has conquered jewellery and brought along the most amazing samples for our feedback. These two came away with me.

I absolutely adore them. Like orbits around a far off sun.

And even with little planets. I can't stop looking at them!

* His name is Flash and he is a juxtaposition on legs.

Marvellous Mallorca

Guys - it was seriously awesome. Just drink this in.

We were staying at this hotel which I fully intend to go back to within the next few years and wouldn't hesitate to recommend. In fact if anyone wishes to go there for 4+ nights before the end of May next year they gave me a transferable 5% off coupon which can be used on top of their usual offers (7 nights for price of 6 etc). The only thing is you have to hire a car because the town is about an hour's drive from Palma and public transport is a bit intermittent. The town itself was Fornalutx which was all stone passageways and amazing mountains.

Then nearby was Soller which has an old fashioned clackety train to Palma....

and also Port de Soller which was very beautiful.

Yep, sweet holiday. I was there with my mum and dad - so an opportunity for everyone to remark on how much I look like my mater.

She is such a lady. In her sixties and she's demurely covered pretty much wrist to ankle most of the time despitre the heat which was 30-35 most of the time. Then she sashays to the pool in a strapless swimming costume with a figure such as I would like to have now. I did the checking out and and the owner took the opportunity of her absence to rave about Mum's smile and how lovely she is. Not wrong.

The heat was a very dry one and so knitting was perfectly feasible.

I finished these last night and am really pleased with them.

The pattern is Socks of Kindness and is free here on Ravelry. It is one of those splendid ones which look complicated and are absolutely not. Very intuitive. If you can count to six and k2tog this is for you. Worked well on magic loop too. Since then I have been crocheting hexagons for Smackdown's blanket.

Really awful photo but the yarn is James C Brett Rio which while lovely is 70% acrylic so tends to look a tad shiny. Machine washable though so perfect for a cat blanket. The colour changes are fun too.

The hexagons are a bit of a recurring theme at the moment.

The quilt is now de-papered (at last - sheesh - Sarah had commented on this post that she takes them out as she goes along. Amen to that sister) and has had circles drawn on it in water-erasable pen to help with the actual quilting part. I may start all that later today.

Going on a Late Summer Holiday

After much effort I have shortlisted three sock patterns for holiday and wound two skeins into balls.

The weather is slightly different to the current gales that seem to be buffeting my personal part of London.

So I will be back soon with tales from across the waters!

Going on a Late Summer Holiday

After much effort I have shortlisted three sock patterns for holiday and wound two skeins into balls.

The weather is slightly different to the current gales that seem to be buffeting my personal part of London.

So I will be back soon with tales from across the waters.

Bit of everything

I have baked.

I have glued.

I have sewn.

And I have put things in jars and then put a pin cushion on top plus some ribbon.

Been pretty active really.

I also went to an Elderly Lady Tea Party yesterday. I was advised it would be drinking gin from teacups but I'm more of a sherry woman myself. I haven't got a picture of what I was wearing but I did snap these three on the sofa.

Kind of gives you the idea. I freaking *adore* fancy dress parties but never seem to get invited to them so this was awesome.