Friday 30 November 2012

There Must Be ... 50 Ways to Kill a Knitter (NaMoBloPo #30)

The boys at work, ever sympathetic and supportive of my various plights, loved the idea of a knitting death threat and began to speculate on other ways knitters could bring about each other's demise.

number 1
At 1 we have the original suggestion - needle between the ribs. It's not as simple as that though. You'd probably want to go for a metal needle and clearly a straight or dpn rather than a circular. You're going to need a good grip so unless it's an unusually long dpn I'd stick with a straight so you can hold it firmly while still leaving enough length to penetrate the heart or lungs. And I'd suggest no smaller than 4mm because you don't want it to just bend on impact. Ideally you'll want to hit the heart so that death will be more certain so don't forget to check where it is.
Visible guts model & heart model
Seems like in the UK we get taught it is further to the left than it actually is.

2
At 2 we have a variation on the whole stabby-pointy-sticks theme. Time to channel your inner spy and think about dipping one end of your needle with something poisonous before stabbing it into someone. On the plus side you don't need to worry about your aim - depending on what you use stab them anywhere and it will work its way into the bloodstream. On the otherhand you also don't want to accidentally stab yourself. For this reason I would again suggest a straight needle but a shorter one - perhaps a vintage or modern children's one about 20cm long.
knitting needles
The reason being you will be able to tell easily which end is poisonous. On the other hand if you only have a dpn then you could always use a rubber band wrapped around one end. Here a thinner needle is going to be beneficial so anything under 2.5mm should get the job done.

3
At 3 we're getting up close and personal again. Let's talk strangulation. Here you have two options. In the UK it's cold and so most of us are showing off our finest knitted scarf. These tend to be pre-wrapped around necks so grab hold of either end and heave. I'm not totally convinced about this myself. I don't think you'd be able to get it tight enough. For that reason let's bring in the circular needle. 40cm should be long enough but for safety (and if you're a magic looper like me you'll have plenty of them) you might want to go for 80cm instead.
Circulars
As strength is all (you don't want your needle snapping half way through) I'd avoid your interchangables and stick with something created with the cable and needle parts firmly attached. What are the circs we all love and trust the most? Addi of course. This also has the benefit of working regardless of whether your intended is wearing a scarf.

Kneeler 4
At 4 we're getting back to basics with your blunt instrument. This is a variation on the half-brick-in-a-sock in that it's a whole brick in a knitting bag. Most of us have knitting bags so it's a simple weapon to carry around. Whether you bring your own brick or rely on finding one nearby is a matter of personal choice. One thought on choice of bag though. If you go for conventional fabric then it's going to be stained and you probably won;t want to use it to store your knitting in, even after washing.
Orange and Pink Wool
Therefore look for a wipe clean or vinyl bag. After that aim for the head. Damage to the front of the brain has been found to be life changing but recoverable from (clearly not in all cases but as a generalisation). It's the back that does the damage.

spaghetti number 5
And at 5 we have that all time favourite - cake. Where there are knitters, there is usually cake of some form or another. Unless you want to poison everyone likely to eat the cake I'd avoid a conventional block of the stuff. Go for cupcakes or perhaps biscuits and mark the poinsoned one in some way that is clear to you but not to the proposed victim.
Cupcakes
You could put initials on them in icing perhaps or make them all in a flavour your intended doesn't like except for one.  

Should you wish to explore all of this further there is a brilliant book by Pamela Branch called "Murder Every Monday". Don't be put off by the cover. I came across it as a green penguin in a charity shop but have read it over and over because the idea is so clever, the writing very enjoyable and the story highly engaging. Also remember that none of the suggestions above talk about how to get away with it afterwards. While there are more and more of us out there every day, restricting yourself to death-by-knit is hugely narrowing the pool of suspects. So, you know, don't try this at home.


Thursday 29 November 2012

Haters Gonna Hate (NaMoBloPo #29)

I'd written quite a long. discursive post about the reaction to yesterday's post but that was before one commenter said I risked ending up with a knitting needle between my ribs. A death threat? Over knitting?

Seriously?

So much hate!

Yarn bombing at the NGA
If you genuinely believe yarn bombing serves a useful purpose then you go for it.

Wednesday 28 November 2012

It's Not Anarchy, It's Awful (NaMoBloPo #28)

I have just begun another Coursera course. The last was on Gamification, run by the University of Pennsylvania, and was brilliant. This one is called "How to Reason & Argue", run by Duke University, and I've already learnt a lot. For instance, explaining and persuading are ways of arguing. When explaining, the conclusion is already agreed to be true and it is the premise that is being discussed. When persuading, the conclusion has not been agreed and the arguer wishes to bring the arguee to agree with their conclusion. Not knowing the readers' feelings on the topic I don't know if I am explaining or persuading but my conclusion is...

Guerrilla knitting and yarn bombing are a waste of resources motivated at best by a wish to bring craft to the attention of a wider audience and at worst by a self-satisfying desire for attention.


Knitting is awesome. And crochet is ok too. Weaving, spinning all good. Felting - if you must. Some people think it is all grannyish. Some can't see the point. Fair enough. Such people probably have interests I would have similarly unenthusiastic opinions about.
Celtic v Manchester United

The thing with knitting though, is that it makes something actually real and usable. Graffiti changes an existing object from one colour to another. There's not much else you can do with paint other than paint something. But knitting can be used to clothe something - usually a person. It can be used for comfort or warmth. It can give someone a way to keep warm or give a bit of comfort to someone who has nothing else. Knitted toys comfort children who have been orphaned in war zones, "angel blankets" give parents of still born or too premature children something to hold their baby in before they say goodbye. If you've got time and the yarn to think "oh yeah, I could use this to make a tree cozy" then you could change that to "oh yeah, there are charities needing knitted items so I'll knit them something."
The thinker
To waste your time and resources making some self-serving piece of neon craft vomit which will become bedraggled and hopefully be cut off within a few days is just stupid.

Be smart - create with a real purpose, not with pomposity.


Charities in the UK Looking for Knitted Items
 

There are lots more! Look at charities in your local area and ask what they need.

Tuesday 27 November 2012

Fascinating (NaMoBloPo #27)

I've still not started the fascinator for my sister's wedding. I have Milliner's Block.
HATS
Nightmare. I think I've made the mistake of acquiring too many materials. I have too many options to choose from.
Punching is an Option.
I feel slightly guilty about the number of feathers I've got. I keep hoping they're the by-product of the food process and there aren't bald birds walking around because of me.

I have found this tutorial on Jezebel now. I knew it was for me when I saw she'd taken a photo of herself with a can of cat food on her head. And then published it online. My kind of lady. There's a lot of people like me out there. Not that the boys at work would agree. But to support my argument I give you this:
Famous "cat on head" guy
This is a man in New York who wanders around with his cat on his head. Yep, that's a real cat. I guess I don't have time to train one. Bummer.

Sunday 25 November 2012

So Much Done, So Little To Show (NaMoBloPo #26)

Usually, right about now, I would be proudly displaying my weekend's output. But most of it is presents. So for instance...what's the big deal with this book?
How and What to Dance Book 2
And why is this deal with the pudding?
Cross Stitch Christmas Pudding and Holly
I just can't say. But I guess the posts after xmas are going to be heavy laden with FOs.

One thing I can share is a tiny bit of patchwork.
Tiny Miniature Patchwork Hexagons
Plus another hexagon made from diamonds.
Diamond Patchwork Star
Actually, when I say a "tiny" bit of patchwork, that's literal.
Patchwork
I put the Chibi in for scale. Each of the tiny hexagons is 1/2" top to bottom. I've never made them that small before (usually mine are more like 2") but I rather like it. It makes you think differently about the fabric you use because so little of the print/pattern is visible on each. I've been toying with the idea of entering the miniature quilt competition at Festival of Quilts next year. It's been my favourite class the last few years so I'd love to be part of it. This is one from the competition this year - about 12" across.
094


Swap Time! (NaMoBloPo #25)

Roll up! Roll up!
International Charm Square Swap Image


Saturday 24 November 2012

Costing Christmas (NaMoBloPo #24)

Like a lot of people my budget for xmas presents is way down this year. I go through phases of making them vs buying them. This year there are a lot of people I'll be giving to who will appreciate the effort so I'm making. But that doesn't really reduce the cost. Materials are definitely one cost but the other is the one that often goes unacknowledged in our calculations - time.
Knitting
Even the most vanilla of socks requires hours of work, while something more complicated can take that into days. But then when the gift is appreciated it makes it all worthwhile.

Ahead of a little more making I have acquired a few new fat quarters to replenish my stash. I should have waited until the sales but these were v cheap so I gave in.
Fabric Fat Quarters
I do love the button one, top right. That is going to be saved for me! The others may pop up in other forms in coming weeks! Speaking of which...what connects letraset, google maps, and cocktails?
008
I'm leaving you in suspense for now...

I haven't been blogging about it but things between Pooch and I have been a bit up and down the last few months. However, with some external assistance, we've been really good recently, despite his many and varied colds. I've found that the best thing for a germy male is a glass of wine and a crochet blanket.
002
Touch wood I've avoided everything that is going around to date. I can only think it must be down to my preventative chocolate intake. Nom.


Thursday 22 November 2012

Acquisitions (NaMoBloPo #23)

Were I better organised I would by now have sent a thank you email for this.
Fabric Scraps
Someone emailed me to ask if I'd like some fabric scraps as their Mum was having a clearout. I'm pretty sure it was a direct email and not a blog comment. I said yes and after having a post office red card in my bag for two weeks finally picked this up at the weekend! That's not even all of it - it's just all I could carry home from work. The yellow/blue is particularly lovely and reminds me of my sister's bedroom when we were little. I am thinking diamond patchwork cushion cover for that. Whoever sent it to me please get back in touch because I cannot find your email and I feel awful not being able to thank you!

I've also had a few other things arrive chez byrne. These are the butterflies I bought last weekend with Nickerjac's LB.
Brown Glitter Feather Butterflies
I'm still not entirely sure how I am going to use them, but then that is what this weekend is for! It's not like I have a social life so expect to see more of these before my sister's wedding actually takes place. It was physically impossible to go to that shop and just come out with a few butterflies....so....
011
Don't ask about the polka dot toadstools. I can't think what I'll do with them either, but I had to have them. Those jewelled pins were a bit like that although mildly more practical. Mildly. Then there was the long awaited arrival from China.
Assorted purse frames
The big one is ideally for a bag for the wedding but I don't know if I'll have time now. There are more of the other ones. Aren't those tiny ones sweet? That's the same size I used to make this tiny one for a swap a month or two ago.
Frame Purse in Button Fabric
You don't get an idea of the scale but they are about 2" across. I'm thinking dpn holders.

Then finally there is a FO to show. On the fourth attempt I got it right!
Red and Purple Striped Jumper
I will take better photos when I have a moment - November has been SO busy which probably makes it both the best and worst months for taking part in NaMoBloPo. Lots to write about but little time to do it. Hopefully the weekend will give me some time to get caught up and finish a few time dependant projects. I shall spend it wrapped up in the jumper above alternated with this one that Pooch got me.
Cat hoody grrrr

Meow!


Bashing the Bishops (NaMoBloPo #22)

This makes me angry.
Screenshot of BBC news page about bishop vote
I'm not a believer. I don't care if the christians faff about and continue to put off people from following christianity. What I cannot stand is the idea that it is acceptable, on any grounds, to discriminate against someone on account of their gender. As a woman, am I less able to communicate with people than men? Does their God genuinely not want women in senior positions? Is their God threatened by Women? Perhaps their God fears women might stage a takeover attempt? Might oust them as God? Then there would be a WoGod presumably? And then goodness knows where it would end.


Wednesday 21 November 2012

Wheeeeeeeeeee! (NaMoBloPo #21)

21 in a row! And all on time!
21
I'm starting to think I'll actually make it through a whole month of National Blog Posting Month!

Meanwhile, you and I might not think much of this kind of generic hotel space filler.
Fake Bullrush
Except of course you don't work with the people I do. While I was running an event in Manchester yesterday one of the delegates pointed out that they were bathroom loafers wired to pieces of bamboo.

So now you know.

Tuesday 20 November 2012

Manchester, Home of the Mancunian (NaMoBloPo #20)

Remember that scene in Wayne's World when they go "Delaware! We're in....delaware...". That's me.
Welcome to Delaware
I'm in Manchester. For work. It wasn't raining when I arrived so it is, QED, about to rain.
014 rain outside nandos
But let's not forget - it also has Abakhan Fabrics. This weird fluorescent lit, frankly dirty shop is packed with crafty gubbins, most of which isn't dirty. I was very restrained. The fact I only got there ten minutes before closing has no relevance.
Yarn and thread
Isn't that yarn a lovely turquoise? I have a pregnant friend who loves that colour so will be crafting a cardi and perhaps a hat for the baby out of it. I also got a couple of wooden embroidery frames - one circle and one oval, to frame WIPs. The thread is viscose which means it is all shiny and therefore great for machine embroidery. Mmmmm, shiny...
Jesus is Coming Church Sign





Monday 19 November 2012

Live Music (NaMoBloPo #19)

I hardly ever go to anything live. I don't even watch TV when it's being broadcast most of the time. When my Dad gave me a call asking if I'd go to a gig with him I agreed without knowing anything about the singer. I now definitely do.
Beth Hart on stage
Her name was Beth Hart and she had one hell of a voice on her. She sang, played piano and danced about for about 2.5 hours with no break. That takes one amazing pair of lungs.

Her official website is here. There is also a lot on YouTube. I'd start with Chocolate Jesus as an example. It's not one of her songs but her voice is pretty incredible.


Sunday 18 November 2012

On the Fun Bus (NoMoBloPo #18)

I had the honour of spending a chunk of Saturday with Nickerjac's little boy. He showed me how to get to a shop I needed to visit and I then joined him on his favourite activity - bus hopping. I'd never tried this before but having definitely been on more than 12 buses today I now feel I am an expert. The first stop was S&A in Upminster where I got all the feather butterflies I could possibly need to make a hat to wear to my sister's wedding next month. LB was so good and expressed his artistic side with my camera while he waited for me to choose my colours.
S&A
The shop is a warehouse crammed from floor to rafters with stuff. Mainly party stuff (see the 6 foot inflatable champagne bottle in the background above - a mere £14.99) but most of it could be put to a crafty purpose. If I hadn't been accompanied I think I'd still be there now.
Abstract Xmas tree
The upstairs is all fake flowers, bushes, trees, topiary and more. There's also an extra christmas warehouse.
Portrait by LB
Hide and seek among the flowers. Awesome.

We sat upstairs on all the buses (obviously) which gave the LB full reign with his playground radar. The slightest hint of a ball pond or swing and we were off.
Jungle Gym
These things really amaze me. There was no such thing when I was his age. It was literally swings and roundabouts. And a see-saw. See-saws have definitely vanished from the modern playground. Although there is a one person version.
Playground camel or sheep
Now would you say that was a camel or a sheep?


Saturday 17 November 2012

Getting Up To Speed (NoMoBloPo #17)

A little while ago I got excited about this pin on pinterest.
Source: lolalina.com via Alex on Pinterest

I've had it in the back on my mind since and so I used one of my work lunchtimes to do a little work on it. I don't know about you - but at my work Avery L7163 is our label of choice. 14 to a page and the right size for addresses.
Christmas labels for printing
Now I just need to cut them out with suitably crazy bladed scissors. Now I 'just' need to decide on the string. Do I faff about with baker's twine or shall I just use proper string? Certainly not buying it.
Cunning. 

6 weekends til Christmas people...


Friday 16 November 2012